1. Do not clap, snap, yell, or raise your hand at me. 

Believe it or not, I can see you waiting just like you can see how busy I am.

I am not your dog- I am human. So please, call me by my name.

2. Don’t tell me you’re ready to order if you’re not. 

I have about 100 other things I need to do as I watch you stare at the menu like you've never seen one before.

As you've sat here saying "um" at the menu for the past 10 minutes I have successfully gone into full panic mode as I watch my section fill and my list of things to do rack up.

3. Don’t be that person with such a complicated order that you may as well have made up a new dish. 

And if you do, understand that if it comes out wrong it is 100% not my fault.

I know I should feel bad but honestly what did you expect? The kitchen already doesn't know what they're doing and all your complicated order did was back them up.

4. The chef's hate everyone, and when you order something crazy, they hate ME even more.

Complicated orders are not what they want to do and going out of their way to make you something special makes me number one on their hit list.

5. I may be smiling like this is the best day of my life, but when I turn around I’m rolling my eyes. 

My feet hurt, my head hurts, I smell bad and I desperately need a shower and a glass of wine. So when you ask for 500 different things all I want to do is curl up in a ball.

6. You are not my only table! 

I have about 7 other tables to take care of and I'm incredibly busy. I'm taking care of all the tables at one time, trying to remember everything I need to do and when you keep telling me things you need once I bring you something else is totally not helping my cause. I'm so lost.

7. Don’t ignore me like I do not exist. 

Would you ignore someone if they came up to you at a bar and introduced themselves? Of course not! So, when I introduce myself please don't simply ignore my presence. Believe it or not, everything that is showing up on your table is not just magically appearing.

8. If I am in the middle of introducing myself to you, do not simply say “water” before I have even asked you what you’d like to drink. 

Say what? Excuse me? Did I ask you what you'd like a drink yet? No, I didn't. I was trying to tell you my name before you rudely interrupted me, so now i'm going to start all over.

9. When the kitchen messes up your food it's probably not my fault. 

So please, do not talk to me like I am incompetent from here on out.

Of course, there is always a time when I forget to ring up the food and that's my bad. However, it's normally the kitchen or the food runners fault. So please, stop talking to me like I am an incompetent child who doesn't understand English.

10. Tips are my life! 

I am only here for the tip and that is how I make my money, considering my check is a whopping $1.

Yeah, I'm not kidding. My check is literally one dollar. So when I come to work I completely rely on the tip you leave for me.

11. I sweat more during one single shift than I do at the gym.

Up and down those stairs and around and around that restaurant I go, over and over again. All. Day. Long.

12. My smile is the most fake thing you’ll see all day, and trust me I’ve perfected that fake smile. 

I probably look like I'm happy to be here but I can guarantee you there is 100 places I'd rather be, especially when the needy table of the night arrives.

13. You can’t eat half your food then tell me you don’t like it. you’re still going to have to pay for it. 

I know you just want a free meal, but my manager isn't going to let it happen. I can promise you that.

14. If you chug your drink I automatically don’t like you.  

Please, please, please quit chugging your drink. I really don't have to time keep refilling it every five minutes. You're probably 5,000 calories in at this point anyways.

15. If you tip me badly, just know if you ever come back, I will not be serving you. 

Honestly, it's probably better if you just don't come back at all because at this point I have already told everyone that you didn't tip me.