The scent of sweet red wine reminds me of the countless times we would sneak wine and liquor from your parents’ exotic collection. You would always pour yourself a glass of wine and a glass of liquor for me. You knew I wouldn’t drink it, and you never said anything when I switched our glasses when you weren’t looking. We’ve spent so many nights sitting at your kitchen counter talking about life, listening to Lana Del Ray, and eating pizza from Dominick’s.

You were the best person I knew. Probably the best person I will ever know in this lifetime. I remember the feeling of letting you down when you realized I was more dependent than you thought. Those words have always stuck with me. You made me want to be better. And so, I became so independent, I’m still genuinely shocked when someone helps me.

You were always on the road for self-improvement even though I never saw anything wrong with how you were. Even when your life was busy, you always made time to help others and to help me when I needed you most.

My decision to end our friendship was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I went back and forth with it countless times. I wasn’t willing to give up the person who knows me better than anyone. The one person who I knew better than anyone. But it hurt too much. You wanted to go back and pretend that it never happened but I couldn’t. I couldn’t forget you. And so I left.

You wrote in my high school yearbook that I was the one person who deserved all the happiness in the world. I’m still looking for it.

I poured myself a glass of red wine tonight. As soon as I went to take a sip, the aroma brought me back to you.