To start off, yes, although I am culturally Jewish, I do celebrate Christmas. I have a tree, I exchange presents, and I spend the day in pajamas. However, Christmas has never had the same significance to me as it has for other people. My family is non-Christian, so Christmas to me never held the religious meaning that it holds for many. I had never even learned the words to “Silent Night” or heard “Oh Come all Ye Faithful” until ninth grade, when I had to sing it for choir.

However, it is interesting to me now how much Christmas meant to me when I was younger. Some of my favorite memories include waking up on Christmas morning and waiting for my brother to get up so we could open the presents. I would always make a snack for Santa, and leave a well-crafted letter, usually finding a response the next day (thank you mom and dad). One year, I even started crying after Christmas was over, because everything felt so perfect, and I didn’t want the happiness to end.

So, since Christmas just ended, I’ve been asking myself why I just didn’t feel that "Christmassy" this year, or necessarily “jolly” like I had been before.

Has adulthood completely swept in? Have I just become a bitter old lady who no longer finds joy in anything?

In all seriousness, I think Christmas started not feeling like Christmas last year, when my mind became too occupied to look forward to it. I was dealing with college applications and finals, and was too busy to get in the spirit. That was also when I started thinking of Christmas in the same way I was looking at my birthday: another reminder that I was getting old. Plus, the magic had kind of disappeared. It used to just be Santa bringing in all of the things I wanted. But all of the things I use to want could be bought at Toys R Us. During last year, I knew that the nonexistent Santa couldn’t bring me the things I wanted, like a college acceptance letter, or good grades.

This year, I think the reason why I’ve kind of had it with Christmas is because of its massive commercialization. The media and movies seem to be painting Christmastime as the time where you find the love of your life, or when you need to appreciate the people around you the most. But shouldn’t you be cherishing the people you love every single day? Why do you need a certain day to be forced to spend time with them? Why is it so necessary to have romantic love at this time, when romantic love isn’t the only kind of love you’ll ever experience?

Furthermore, people paint Christmastime as a time where you have to be with your family. For some people, this is actually the loneliest time of the year, because they don’t have friends or family. This could be because they’re homeless, because they were kicked out, or they don’t have the money to make it. So in other words, Christmastime is a time to be with people you love, if you can even afford to go see them, or if you’re lucky enough to have them.

Lastly, I believe my personal reason for not taking Christmas that seriously this year is because I’ve had to come to terms on my own that Christmas can’t be perfect. Once again, with this whole commercialization thing, there is the idea that Christmas has to be absolutely perfect. So, when I was younger, I would freak out and cry if one thing went wrong, or if something didn’t go exactly as planned. Maybe for the first time, the thought that Christmas was just another day of the year made me relax. I didn’t freak out, and I went with the flow.

This could also just be me distancing myself from my family, wondering what year it’s going to be when I call them and tell them I can’t come home for Christmas this year. Maybe that is a part of going with the flow; accepting that traditions can’t always be kept.

Anyway, to end this on a happier note, I’m kind of glad that Christmas is no longer the big highlight of my year. I take this as a good thing, because it means that the greatest moments of my life have no schedule or month. Furthermore, I don’t necessarily need material possessions to feel happy. It’s a reminder that I’ve found joy in things that are not material. So, does this new awareness mean I'm becoming an adult? I don't know. I'll tell you next year.