There once was a little girl who dreamed of going to college and maintaining a Christian lifestyle. She went through high school without entering the party stage as well her freshman year at Lander University. She was always told that she was a "goody two shoes" and that Christians never had any fun. She struggled with that a lot, slowly letting it leak into her mind and disrupt her confidence until it came like a crashing wave in just one year. The girl who once dreamt of being a college Christian had been broken.
This little girl was me.
Last year was the hardest year of my life. And on this day, last year, I broke. I knew that this day was coming, preparing myself in the word of God, songs, scriptures, and close friends. However, that fear of worthlessness and that struggle of destruction hit me like a ton of bricks. In the past year, I have grown so much from where I started when I landed in that deep dark hole. I was struggling with destructiveness that I had caused upon myself as well as destructiveness that was caused to me. Alcohol was my go-to and depression was my best-friend. I didn't care what happened to me or if I would go anywhere in life.
That little girl who had hopes and dreams, not only of being a college Christian, but of lifelong passions, had given up on herself and life.
One year later and I am stronger than ever. I don't look at that destructiveness and bad choices as a pity party anymore, but only a closed chapter in my book.
One year later and I have grown in my faith more than ever. I don't question God anymore as to ask, "Why did this happen to ME?" Of all people..me?" I didn't climb out of that dark hole by myself, I climbed out by the help of my Father. My boyfriend and friends could only help me in so many ways, they could support me in the late hours of the night with a phone call, but they couldn't change my mindset. I had to hand over my mindset and the weight of everything I was carrying to God. God rescued me and has turned the destructiveness of my life into a beautiful, captivating, life-saving story.
One year later, Facebook reminds me that "I seriously have never been this close to dropping out of school than right now". One year later? I'm sitting in the same dorm typing this article with a full year of life experience under my belt.
One year later and I am a warrior who didn't give up. A warrior who has accomplished more than most people have to accomplish in their college years.
One year later and I am thankful. Thankful for God, my friends, and my family. Thank you to everyone who has helped me grow in this past year and who has helped raise me out of that dark hole of destructiveness.
I love you all.
