One year ago my life changed forever, I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends, someone who I have so many memories and life experiences with. Someone who was always there for me, protecting me, and encouraging me. Having to say goodbye to Kyle in the hospital was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, thinking about it literally makes my heart ache with sadness, but I am grateful to the Moore family that they let me come say my goodbyes. Now here we are, one year later, but it still hurts like yesterday. One year later, but I still find myself crying to sleep some nights. One year later, but every little thing still reminds me of Kyle, I often find myself thinking how life would be different with Kyle still here on this earth. One year later, but our hurt and sadness are still very real as we still miss him so so much. Even though some days it is still hard for me to comprehend all that has happened this past year of my life, here are some lessons I have learned throughout this year without Kyle.
1. Everyone always says "It will get easier." But it gets easier in a different way than you would think.
The hurt and sadness never go away, so no it doesn't get easier, but you learn to deal with it and make it through the day. You learn to think of the happy times and you learn to find your strength in God and press into him when your heart gets sad. I have never had to rely on God more than I have this past year. God's strength and peace have been the rock to get me and I am sure others through. My life will forever be changed because of Kyle's passing, but I know God will be right beside me. He probably won't make the heartache go away, but I know he will hold my hand through it all.
2. Throughout this past year, I have learned it is okay to be emotional and to be sad.
I am naturally a tough person, and I hate to cry in front of people, and for so long I tried to hold it in and act tough. I told myself not to cry but to be strong, but in reality, it just made the grieving process a lot harder on me. I learned it is okay to be sad, it is okay to shed a tear and be emotional sometimes because he ment a lot to me and others. We all lost a big part of our lives and it is okay to mourn. Crying and being sad does not make you weak, it is natural and necessary every now and then.
3. Throughout this past year, I have also learned that memories are so important.
Many days I find myself smiling or laughing to myself thinking about memories Kyle and I have shared, random things that remind me of him, or funny things he had said to me. I often think about the nerf gun fights we would have as kids during our christian school days, the long talks we would have down by the pond, the late night face time sessions just when he needed to talk, the twilight marathons we would have, or the warm hugs he would give me when I was so unsure about myself or a situation. Kyle and I had such a unique relationship that not many people knew a lot about. We had an unshakeable bond that couldn't be broken and I cherish that so much! It is good to think, cherish and remember those memories, Kyle would want me and everyone to laugh and smile thinking about the good times we had with him and keep his memory alive.
4. I have learned there won't be a day that goes by that I won't think about Kyle.
Whether it's been one year or ten, I will still have days where I can't help but cry. I am thankful for the time I shared with Kyle and the many memories we shared together. Kyle had a huge impact on my life and he meant so much to me, he was one of my best friends since preschool. I loved him so much and that will never change. He would want us to all cherish our memories and happy thoughts about him, but he would also want us to be happy and keep living to our highest potential because he is up in heaven cheering us right along.
5. Lastly, I have learned that the promise of heaven is more real and means more to me now than it ever has before.
This promise is the best news we could receive when we have lost a loved one. Even though there is so much sadness and pain, there can be joy too! We will see Kyle again and what a celebration that will be. It may have been goodbye on this earth, but we can hold onto the promise of eternity with the ones we love. It is so comforting to me to know that I will get to see him again, and in the meantime, I know Kyle is up there praying for me and protecting me, just like he is doing for his family and others as well. He may not be here with us physically, but he is spiritually.
Even though this year has been rough, God has not left my side and he is faithful and his love is overflowing, even in the worst situations. God will continue to provide us all with strength and peace because we are his children and he loves us. I find joy in knowing that Kyle is watching over me and is apart of my life still, just in a different way. I am thankful for the lessons I have learned throughout this past year and am thankful for the promise of eternity, where Kyle will welcome me with the biggest hug ever!
Kyle's family, I am thinking and praying for you not only today, but every day! May God give you strength and peace always! And Kyle Wesley, I love you so much, we all do! See you very soon and thank you for watching out for me <3