There are approximately 1,025,110 words in the English language. Approximately 47,156 of these are decidedly obsolete. That leaves me with approximately 977,954 words to express myself.

Yet, here I am, staring down at this clean page

eyes blank

mind racing

hands numb

sitting in the center of this cold tile floor, dozens of discarded fragments of ideas surround me; crumbled into balls or torn to shreds; unable to express the thoughts and memories and emotions that have been coursing through my mind for the past seventeen hours and thirty-four minutes.

977,954 words to express myself, yet I am finding it impossible to assemble any of them together with enough fluidity to clearly communicate my feelings about you.

So, I am done with the syntax and correct punctuation styles and the proper grammatical techniques that I have been taught since grade school; because, in the reality, nothing about you has ever been clear or easy to understand.

I abhor you. You're harsh; cold and unyielding and cruel to even the most compassionate, undeserving of people. You have no regard for your actions or how they affect others. You are reckless and brash and immaturely impulsive. I adore you. You're pleasantly strange compared to the dull crowds to which I am accustomed to encountering. You have no regard for what others think of you; you live in the moment with no regard for the consequences. You're splendid and terrible and abrasive and deleterious and soft and unique and wonderful and awful and frigid and you are so many exquisitely deplorable things, you will never be encapsulated by one word.

You are a galaxy, filled with both luminous stars and black holes, and there are 977,954 words in the English language, and no one word can describe you, yet only one word fits: awe-inspiring, for that is what you do. For you are so vast and complex and paradoxical that while you cannot be confined by the label of a singular adjective, you can be encapsulated by the one word that explains the trance you put others in.