Of course, here I go again writing about my anxiety - but it's a big part of my life. Especially right now.

I've been battling with anxiety for the past at least eight years, if not more. I can't remember the times where I could do the smallest and most mundane things without starting to feel dizzy, nauseous, and numb. I can't remember being able to walk down a street or a hallway by myself without wondering if somebody was going to jump out from behind every corner and attack me. I honestly can't even remember the time where I could talk to strangers and introduce myself without feeling like I was going to pass out.

And now I'm taking a trip on my own.

It's not the first time that somebody has told me that I can't do something, and I know for a fact that it won't be the last time. As a woman in the STEM field, I'm going to be getting told that I can't do something basically every day of my employment. That doesn't mean I'm going to give up then, so why should I give up now? Why should I turn tail and give up on everything that I've worked so hard to achieve just to have it all go down the drain and be completely useless in the long run?

I started taking a low dosage of Prozac this past week, and it's honestly helped me out more than I could have imagined. I haven't tried to apply any of my stressors to myself in case it doesn't work, but I know that my mind isn't as foggy as it was before I started taking them. I can think clearer, and I'm not always focused on trying to figure out who's walking behind me and how many steps they would have to take to be able to attack me if that's what they were intending on doing. I don't see people as threats anymore, I'm able to look them in the eyes with a little more confidence and a little less hesitancy.

I'm making small steps right now, but I'm going to be making a big leap before I know it. Possibly even before I'm actually ready to. And you know what? If I do end up crashing and burning, at least I'll be able to say that I tried. I'm not going to make my family drive up to Chicago to get me if I decide I can't get on another plane. I'm going to suck it up. I'm going to force myself to break past the barrier of my anxiety so that I can do this.

I'm not going to let anybody control me anymore. Not my anxiety, not the cruel words against me.

The only person controlling me...Is me.