Growing up I have always been one of those people who hates making mistakes. It took me a long time to learn that making mistakes can actually benefit you in the end. I always found that hard to believe, but I made one mistake and I still don't know if I regret it or commend it. I have never been a person to open up to people. Even to this day, I'm not fully comfortable letting people in. Therefore, when I let people in, I take it even harder if they betray me or let me down.
I once dated a guy who was able to break down all my walls. It started out as a friendship but progressed to us being more than friends. Our relationship lasted three years. He was the only person I wanted and me, being my naïve self, thought he was my soul mate. We were the same person. But even him, the one person I loved so very deeply, disappointed me. Not only did he disappoint me, but he ultimately lost all the trust I had in him. He made a mistake, but it was just too painful for me to overlook. And so after three long years, we broke up.
A week after we broke up, I found myself sad all the time. I wouldn't come out of my room except to go to school, lost a majority of the friends I had, and just kept spiraling downward. Quoting Zayn and Taylor Swift's new song, I wondered if "I had dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life." I found love in songs like "All of Me" or "Say Something" or even "Wherever You Are" because they could describe what I was feeling perfectly. I found my love for writing as I would write out what I was feeling.
I just wanted to know why. Why did I give him my heart for him just to break it? I would be sad thinking about it that night, which then made that week sad. He consumed my entire being. I didn't know what to do anymore. It was like everything I did; he was still on my mind.
As time moved on I eventually got over him and moved on to someone new. Even though the thought of him being with someone else killed me, I put on a brave face and did what I had to do. There would be times when I was alone and almost found myself calling him.
Looking back at it now, I don't know if I made the right decision. But I learned to look out for myself. It made me a better person than I was, and I became stronger. I don't regret the decision I made at all, but I regret not hearing him out fully and giving him a chance to fix things. That was my mistake. Not sticking through the rough patch to see if it would get better. That was the mistake I made that I do end up regretting.
