From my overwhelmingly disastrous dating experience, I have discovered a common theme: I was one girl too late, and I could not mend his broken heart. Whether it happened two years ago or two weeks ago, some girl destroyed his outlook on love and every other girl is doomed... at least until he is much older. In no way am I blaming these girls, however. On the contrary, I'm thanking them; they taught these boys valuable lessons and showed me who is resilient. Harboring chronic bad juju post-breakup shows that a guy cannot let go of the past and lacks futuristic tendencies, and could reveal that he operates with fear. So, thank you, past girls, because you are my filtering system for whoever will win my heart, but for now, I'm stuck with "One Girl Too Late Syndrome" (OGTLS).
As constructive and reflective as I may have sounded above, I am still human and am reeling from a recent heartache. I realize that as I criticize a guy for failing to let go of the past, experiencing "One Girl Too Late Syndrome" still haunts me and shows I, too, hold on to the past (to an extent). Although I don't let it define me, memories of each instance come flooding back every time I was "too late" again.
I first "caught" OGTLS toward the beginning of my senior year of high school. I met a guy (let's call him "Jordan") at the Homecoming football game and hit it off with him that night. I met up with him later at the dance but kept my distance because a friend of a friend in our group called "dibs." Wanting to avoid drama, I friend-zoned him, and Jordan the friend of a friend started dating within a week of the Homecoming Dance. During their short-lived relationship, Jordan and I texted as friends, shared memes, and gamed together online, but I set boundaries as not to threaten his girlfriend.
Two weeks later, Jordan's girlfriend broke up with him, and he texted me immediately asking me if I was working that night (he wanted to come in and have dinner at the restaurant where I worked). I was drowning in homework that night, but I talked him off a ledge and promised to meet up with him soon for support. Fast forward to Halloween, we started flirting and confessed our initial attraction toward each other at the Homecoming game (confusing, I know). He took me out a couple times, but the fun inevitably came to an end; one day that he promised to hang out with me, he ghosted me and hooked up with another girl. When I confronted him about it, he said he was not ready to date after being so hurt by his two-week relationship. As a naïve and widely inexperienced seventeen-year-old, I was devastated and felt almost like I was cheated on. I understood suffering heartbreak from a relationship, but resented the ex-girlfriend for hurting him because "he didn't move fast enough for her."
A few months later, I met a new guy (let's call him "Connor"), and we talked nonstop; we face-timed every day after school and went out on a couple dates. To be completely fair, I quickly lost feelings for him and saw him more as a friend after the date, but I was nonetheless shocked when he texted me saying things would not work out because I was not "crazy" enough. In hindsight, I should have taken the many stories of his crazy ex as a red flag, but I didn't know any better. He was looking for a girl like his ex to move on from her, and since I'm not the fighting, arguing, and break-up/make-up kind of girl, I got the boot.
Luckily, I was not as hurt by Connor as I had been by Jordan. Ironically, Connor ended up dating the girl that dumped Jordan even though Connor didn't go to our school (you really can't make this stuff up). They started flirting when Connor was 19, and the girl was 16. Since Connor and I were still friends, I asked him if the age gap concerned him at all for legal reasons. Within thirty minutes of our phone call, his current girlfriend called me multiple times until I picked up (I was in the shower) and yelled at me to keep her name out of my mouth. Needless to say, Connor and I are no longer friends, but they're perfect for each other.
My last (and most painful) case of OGTLS was at the beginning of my freshman year in college. I had met a guy (let's call him "Mark") the second week of school and instantly connected. A few days later, friendly banter transformed into playful flirtation, and we became exclusive very soon. I felt like he was the first guy who "got" me (as cliché as it sounds) and the only guy I cared about so deeply. He told me he loved me after about a month, which shocked me, but somehow I felt the same; I thought I was in a movie. We were always laughing and seemed to fit together.
My fairytale gradually disappeared as he became more and more distant. We were at that point where becoming official made sense, which only made him pull away further. The confrontation about the distance was perhaps one of the most painful conversations I've ever had. Because of his heartbreak in the past and coming out of a relationship not too long before college, he was not ready to establish our relationship but didn't want to lose me. He wanted to protect his heart and mine, but I only felt more hurt from that provision. He said he couldn't let go of me, but he knew keeping me in a "limbo" between friend and girlfriend was wrong. I was the one who had to break it off, and I was crushed.
I resented Mark for months after the split because I couldn't process how someone could tell me they loved me, then give up a couple weeks later. I was angry, but more than anything, I was heartbroken. Mark was the first person I've ever loved romantically, and he'll always have a special place in my heart. Clearly, it wasn't meant to be, but it took me a while to make my peace with the relationships' demise.
From all of these experiences, I can't help but think, "What if I got there before that girl? Would things be different?" Maybe. After these initial thoughts, I found myself asking, "Why did he let one girl ruin it for every other girl?" I found the clarity in writing this post and arrived at an answer: he didn't have enough time to recover. Time is truly the only healer, and all of the guys I mentioned had reentered the dating game without allowing themselves time to heal. We can't always predict when love finds us, and like Mark, it came suddenly and unexpectedly; this brings us to a crossroads: let go of the past and listen to your heart or fail to let go of the past and lose a good thing.
Guys, girls, please: take the time to mentally and emotionally recover after breakups before starting something with a new person. Trust me, it's for the best. Otherwise, you may be responsible for infecting someone with One Girl (or boy) Too Late Syndrome.
Be sure to comment if you've ever caught OGTLS. I'd love to read your stories!
