Mom,
I see everything. I'm no god but I am your daughter and I see everything that bothers you . Even when you don't think I'm looking, I see the way that you grimace over mortgage payments.The way you scribble furiously on paper trying to add up your bills. I see the darkness under your eyes from nights of unrest. You can't rest with dollar signs dangling over your head. You can't heal without strength in your body and mind to do so. You are tired and I know it. I know that in your heart of hearts you just want to end it. I know you want to live life better than how you've already spent it.
I wish I could give you the life you are looking for, but I'm just not quite there yet. I still depend on you and even with a job and higher education I can't contend with you. You are a stronger woman than I will ever be. You raised yourself and held up your family. Your spine and shoulders are curved with the weight of crushing responsibility but you are still braver than I'd ever be. You raised your kids, worked two jobs, and found yourself unappreciated because no one else seems to know how hard you work (or maybe they just don't care). I've seen the "pick myself up" moments when times are tight and money is tighter and somehow we still come out with lights on and food on the table. It took me some years to realize that working hard doesn't always mean you'll make enough to handle the things you need to. I've watched you bend over backwards for people and to repay you they never gave you the praise or the raise you deserved. I've watched you do more than necessary for the job you love only to have the lazy lay more work on your desk while they ride off into sunsets. You get stuck with all the hard work and everyone else goes out to play. It's total BS, but one day you'll have your way.
I love being your daughter. I couldn't imagine being anyone else's or having a father. You are the woman I want to be. Able to take of herself and her family. You are the person who loved me for me and with all that freedom, there is no one else I could ever be. You and I, we walk to the beat of our own drums. We know what we like and what we don't. I love when I don't have to explain myself because you know me. You know that I need space and that I love just existing. With you I have no worries of needing to keep a conversation going. I love being by your side and I love knowing that you will always be there when I need you. So mom, when you read this, just know that I see it all. I see the struggling and the tears and the hard times. I see the anger, the frustration, and the worried eyes. Don't let the hardships prevent you from loving the life you have. One day you'll be treated like a queen and I'll pay you back for all the things you've done for me.
Lots of love,
Your Bush Baby
