First, let me start by saying that, in a perfect world, a man proud to identify with the word "feminist" would be every man. Sadly, that is not the case, so I want to share how my man puts himself out there like this. Second, many people have their own definition of feminism. Right now it is generally used to advocate equal rights for women, and gender equality. I want to add to that definition: a feminist is also someone who consistently meets new ideas with an open mind, is comfortable with not knowing something or being wrong about it and speaks up to educate or confront harmful ideas rather than perpetuate them. Perhaps what I am talking about is an active feminist: a person who is comfortable both challenging and being challenged.
My boyfriend is an active feminist, and it is just about the best thing in the world. He does not claim to know it all; in fact, he embraces new ideas and new perspectives. One of the most extraordinary things about him is that he is comfortable with being wrong. Not many people are willing to shift, let alone transform, their opinions. He loves learning, and he takes that love with him to every corner of his life. This part is no exception.
He attributes learning this way of being from participating in peer mentor programs and being around women and people who opened his mind. These wonderful people showed him what it means to stand for equality in every way. It is correcting and educating people who may not know or not yet appreciate the experiences of others. It is validating and listening to survivors of violence. It isn’t laughing at sexist jokes. It isn’t catcalling. It is speaking up for equality both to a crowd and to a friend. It is living, in every new moment, with respect in your heart and justice on your mind.
This is how he lives. He supports and empowers the women and people in his life. He speaks up. He calls people out. Of course, in an ideal world, this would not be out of the ordinary. Every man, and every person, would live with the goal of standing for equality and safety for all people, regardless of gender. But I wanted to write about the strength of a relationship in which my partner believes in my empowerment, and the empowerment of others. His love and support are unwavering in every regard. We share a powerful, mutual respect. We listen to each other and give each other space to grow and change. He stands for me just like I stand for him. We are equals.
Now, I know, this is not a radical concept. We are equal, so why is this worth writing about? Well, because as much as I try to surround myself with people who think like this, the world is not full of them. Not yet. I want to put this out there to all people that owning feminism, believing in and standing for equality, is sexy. Actively empowering your partner, your family, your friends, and the people you don’t know, but who have gone through more than you ever will, is necessary for a world that works.
Loving someone who understands and lives through that is the greatest gift in the world.
