I am fat.

And no, I don't mean that as an insult. It's a description and one that I wear proudly. It's as much a part of my identity as my race, gender, class, and sexual orientation.

First and foremost, I want say that I am removing the negative connotations around the word "fat". Like I said, it's just a description, and there is nothing inherently bad about the word itself. However, I cannot deny the history of the word being used to bring people down and insult them through their appearance and even their intelligence.

I've had people use this word against me, as if a part of myself was disgusting and unlovable, as if my whole self was something to be ashamed of and looked down upon, as if I was worthless.

Of course I was highly affected by these remarks. For a long time I hated my body and myself for "letting" me be fat. For years I wanted nothing more than to take a sword and chop off my belly fat. I used to fantasize about a giant vacuum sucking all the body fat out of me and putting it in someone else. I felt like no one would want me because I was "ugly" and "disgusting", never able to feel attractive or sexy.

I'm reclaiming this word. Like many others who have been patronized because of their size, I'm taking back the power that this word has over me. I'm taking charge of my own story to change the dangerous narratives around being fat.

There is this notion that because one is fat, one can never truly be happy with themselves. Because we've been told that we're gross, unworthy, and ugly, we should be displeased. Pictures of our bodies have been spread across weight loss ads in the "before" section. Videos of us dancing are used as the butt of a joke, as if it was absolutely hilarious that we would be enjoying ourselves. Countless "comedians" and YouTubers have used our experiences to be "edgy" and get money off our disgruntled views (I'm looking at you, Nicole Arbor. Grow up and stop acting like a spoiled child. 'Kay? Thanks).

Despite all of these people trying their hardest to tear me and people like me down, I am happy with myself. I am able-bodied, I have the privilege to not have to worry about moving around my city. I look good in clothes that fit me. I have been known to turn a few heads in a room every now and then, but I don't need others' approval to feel good about myself. I like how I look. Of course, I have days where I don't feel good in anything I wear but overall, I love myself.

I'm done apologizing for that. I have every right to love my body and feel good in it, no matter what anybody else says.

Eat your heart out, Nicole Arbor.

I am fat. I am proud. I am happy.