Why Turning 20 Was Bittersweet

Why Turning 20 Was Bittersweet

There is a beauty in the fear of growing up.

The idea of turning 20 this year frightens and excites me. Suddenly, it seems as though life is getting so serious and I have no room to make any mistakes. No longer being a teen and that in itself is a huge transition. Somewhere deep in me, I am beyond excited to be one step closer to actually starting my life.

Personally, I have felt as though being nineteen has been one of the hardest years of my life. There have been a lot of changes that seem to be calling for a huge transition but right now they seem to be like a hovering cloud constantly bringing me down. Entering your 20's is a big deal. These next ten years are crucial in terms of education, career, and relationships. This is a time where everything becomes serious, every single decision has a larger magnitude in terms of consequences and honestly you just do not feel like a kid anymore. Life almost seems 'boring" and the same things are not as exciting as they used to be, but it is more than that. It is a transition into becoming an individual of the real world.

However, there is also this side of me that is awaiting the big 20. It almost seems as though I have exhausted all the "teenage" in me and I am ready to actually be an adult. It is similar to the feeling of graduating high school where yes it is sad it is over, but you almost feel as though it is time for a change and that you could not possibly do another year of high school. You feel more evolved, older, mature and college is the next big step you are ready to take on.

Life is constantly about moving forward. That is essentially how are lives are designed. We have to constantly grow and enter into the next phases of our lives. Whether we are ready or not, we have to learn to deal with it. Time does not wait for anyone. It feels nice to be in one comfortable place in life but it is really about how you handle the hard transitions. Growing up is all about learning to take on one more battle than the day before.

This is why I feel both happy and scared to be becoming 20 within the next few months. I feel ready to take on this new chapter in my life and I feel others who are in the same boat as me should feel the same way. Of course, it is going to take some time to adjust into a new mentality and take on new challenges but it can only go up from here!

Meeting new people, learning new things, becoming the person you want to be, what is more exciting than that? It is the time to create, learn, love and embrace a new age.

There is a beauty in the fear of growing up, but as my father always tells me, "you can never grow older, but only wiser".

Cover Image Credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/sivy47/6053823048

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To The Girl Who Had A Plan

A letter to the girl whose life is not going according to her plan.
“I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.” - William Ernest Henley

Since we were little girls we have been asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” We responded with astronauts, teachers, presidents, nurses, etc. Then we start growing up, and our plans change.

In middle school, our plans were molded based on our friends and whatever was cool at the time. Eventually, we went to high school and this question became serious, along with some others: “What are your plans for college?” “What are you going to major in?” “When do you think you’ll get married?” “Are you going to stay friends with your friends?” We are bombarded with these questions we are supposed to have answers to, so we start making plans.

Plans, like going to college with our best friends and getting a degree we’ve been dreaming about. Plans, to get married as soon as we can. We make plans for how to lose weight and get healthy. We make plans for our weddings and children.

SEE ALSO: 19 Pieces Of Advice From A Soon-To-Be 20-Year-Old

We fill our Pinterest boards with these dreams and hopes that we have, which are really great things to do, but what happens when you don’t get into that college? What happens when your best friend chooses to go somewhere else? Or, what if you don’t get the scholarship you need or the awards you thought you deserved. Maybe, the guy you thought you would marry breaks your heart. You might gain a few pounds instead of losing them. Your parents get divorced. Someone you love gets cancer. You don’t get the grades you need. You don’t make that collegiate sports team. The sorority you’re a legacy to, drops you. You didn’t get the job or internship you applied for. What happens to you when this plan doesn’t go your way?

I’ve been there.

The answer for that is “I have this hope that is an anchor for my soul.” Soon we all realize we are not the captain of our fate. We don’t have everything under control nor will we ever have control of every situation in our lives. But, there is someone who is working all things together for the good of those who love him, who has a plan and a purpose for the lives of his children. His name is Jesus. When life takes a turn you aren’t expecting, those are the times you have to cling to Him the tightest, trusting that His plan is what is best. That is easier said than done, but keep pursuing Him. I have found in my life that His plans were always better than mine, and slowly He’s revealing that to me.

The end of your plan isn’t the end of your life. There is more out there. You may not be the captain of your fate, but you can be the master of your soul. You can choose to be happy despite your circumstances. You can change directions at any point and go a different way. You can take the bad and make something beautiful out of it, if you allow God to work in your heart.

SEE ALSO: To The Girl Patiently Waiting With An Impatient Heart

So, make the best of that school you did get in to. Own it. Make new friends- you may find they are better than the old ones. Apply for more scholarships, or get a job. Move on from the guy that broke your heart; he does not deserve you. God has a guy lined up for you who will love you completely. Spend all the time you can with the loved one with cancer. Pray, pray hard for healing. Study more. Apply for more jobs, or try to spend your summer serving others instead. Join a different club or get involved in other organizations on campus. Find your delight first in God and then pursue other activities that make you happy; He will give you the desires of your heart.

My friend, it is going to be OK.

Cover Image Credit: Megan Beavers Photography

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