I've always been the friend you can rely on. Got a flat? I'll come pick you up. Boyfriend broke up with you? I'll bring you ice cream, snuggle under a blanket with you and watch as many re-runs of Degrassi as you want. At its core, being reliable is a wonderful quality to have. It makes you dependable, but at some point being reliable can move into stressful territory. It is hard to identify at what point it is okay to say, “no, sorry.”
There they are, staring at you with those pleading eyes, asking another favor of you. Maybe they want to borrow your laptop to take a quiz, despite your paper being due in two hours. Maybe they want a slice of your late night pizza, having no idea that you haven't eaten since breakfast the day before. Maybe they want to borrow “just” a dollar, even though it's the last one in your wallet. At the point that you're having to put off your own responsibilities and care in favor of others, you should really consider saying that two letter word.
There are a lot of selfish people in this world that will use you up. They will take your time and resources that you needed to better yourself and use them for their own gain, and they will not even think twice about it. The biggest flaw of putting others above yourself is that at some point you have nothing else to give. You will have wasted your life catering to and caring for individuals who will not give a second thought to your well-being two years from now.
It's okay to say no. And no, you don't have to feel guilty for it. Being kind and reliable does not to extend to the realm of damaging yourself or your own opportunities. You are just as much human as anyone else, and no one is entitled to what is yours.
That being said, you don't have to cut off everyone who asks for help. Not everyone in need is motivated by selfish desires. But even if they are not, keep in mind that they are still not entitled to your time or resources simply because they want them.
Telling people you have your own priorities to consider does not make you any less of a good person. Michael Phelps didn't win any of his medals pulling someone else through the pool, and that does not make him any less of an Olympian. Similarly, you will not succeed in life if you allow yourself to take on the dead weight of those who choose themselves over others. Choosing the path for your own success using resources that you have culminated for yourself does not inhibit others wellness. If you continue to be “the reliable one,” you might find the inverse, in that the constant favors you do for others at your own expense inhibit your ability to succeed.
Be forewarned, everyone who has come to depend and thrive on your kindness will not be pleased about your sudden growth of a spine. They will label your self protection as sudden selfishness. Some might even argue that you owe them your time and resources, and you have no right to say no. When that time comes, remember every inconvenience and negative repercussion you have dealt with out of the goodness of your heart.
Take a deep breath, and just say no.
