Growing up at youth group, my youth minister always encouraged us to think about our conversion experience, and share it with our peers. This is great for those that had encountered Christ in a special way and had a conversion experience. It was wonderful for them to share it with their peers. But all of this talk about conversions started to get in my head. I started to become confused and discouraged in my faith.
In the midst of hearing about all of the amazing experiences that my friend's had, I still had a devout love for Christ and for my faith even though I had not had one. I knew that God had an abundant love for me and that I loved him and wanted to serve him, but I did not have a profound experience so what was I doing wrong? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It took me a while to realize that I was not doing anything wrong, and that everything I knew I believed was true. I was given a wonderful gift of faith, and I am blessed.
It took me several years to realize this though. Many times I would sit in adoration with the Lord and wonder why I had not had a profound moment in my life, and I would come out of adoration still confused. I continued to bring this to the Lord time after time, and eventually He found a way of reaffirming my love for Him. Christ put some very wonderful people, or showed me the people He had given me, in my life to help me realize that my lack of a "conversion" was a beautiful gift.
After many years of comparing my faith life to others' faith lives and confusion, Christ gave me the courage to open up to my mom, best friend and mentor about my confusion. My mom helped me to realize that it was okay that I had not had one of these experiences. She shared with me the ways that she has seen the wonderful gift at work in my life, and the ways that she has watched me grow over the years. Through these wonderful talks with my mom, I realized that I was just fine. I was not faking or imagining anything. My love for God and His love for me was everything that I believed it was.
After a Steubenville Conference, I was talking to one of my best friends about conversion experiences and how I had not had one. I shared with her how it was a confusing time for me and how I had come to realize that it was okay. Through this discussion we realized that we were in the same boat. We had both been given a great gift of faith and spent many years searching for conversion experiences and answers to our lack of one. She and I had gone through it together and had strengthened each other's faith while doing so. God had given us each other because He knew that we would be able to help each other develop our gift of faith.
I was sharing these recent experiences with a wonderful person in my parish that has been a mentor to me throughout my faith journey, and she helped me to realize that the reasoning behind all of this was God's blessing of faith. All of this time God was presenting to me the absolutely beautiful gift of faith. She helped me to know that this gift was something that I needed to share with others. God gave it to me, and I needed to use it.
I want to reassure you that if you have not had a conversion experience that IT IS OKAY! All of the love of God that you feel and know is true. You are not faking. You really are feeling the abundant love that God has for you. Don't compare your journey to someone else's journey. You are walking this journey because God placed you there and He has a special plan for you. But, if you have had a conversion experience, that is absolutely beautiful! Please share it with those around you! It may be your conversion experience that gives someone the encouragement they need to seek out Christ in a new way. We are all here to help one another become closer to Christ and ultimately reach Heaven.
