Why It Is Okay To Cut Toxic People Out Of Your Life

Why It Is Okay To Cut Toxic People Out Of Your Life

If someone isn't good for you, you probably know it.
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Being selfish is absolutely okay.

Everyone has that one person in their life, whether it be a family member, a friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend, that always makes our day worse. Someone whose problems and life struggles are always worse than ours, someone who controls you are tries to, someone who overreacts, someone who harms your relationships with other people.

Maybe it’s more than one person. Maybe it’s someone you just met, or someone that you have known for your entire life. Regardless, it is completely okay to cut that individual from your life.

No matter your opinion on how or why we are on this earth, we can all agree that we are not alive to make someone else happy at the expense of our own. Selflessness does not mean sacrificing your wellbeing, your mental health, your happiness for someone else’s. We have the right to do what is best for ourselves first, and if that means putting some space in between a relationship or a friendship, that is entirely okay. If we spend our entire lives worrying about keeping “good” relationships with people that put us down, that keep us on a tight leash, we aren’t really living.

Even if this person does their absolute best to create a drama, uses all of their energy for hate, spends time twisting your words, actions and intentions, it is perfectly acceptable for you to cut that person out of your life. You owe nothing to anyone to anyone that hurts you or hurts your friendships with others. You only owe it to yourself to stay surrounded by people who want what is best for you, people who lift you up. People that understand you and never twist your words into something that gives them a drama to talk about, to post about.

The only person in this world that I am entirely responsible for is myself. I am in charge of my happiness only, my wellbeing only. If there is a person in my life that stays in the back of my mind and dictates my words and actions, I owe it to myself to cut that person out. It is very hard to do this, especially since it is programmed in us to think about how it might hurt this person, how they will react and how they will feel. But what concern does this individual show for me when they cry because I have other friends? What concern does this person have for me when they undermine and devalue my personal struggles simply because theirs are “worse?” What concern do they have when they post to social media about me after twisting my words to make them seem like the victim? What concern do they have about presenting a false narrative and silencing my attempts to correct it?

People that act maliciously towards us do not care about our feelings when they tear us down and make us feel less than. Why should we care about their feelings when we simply tell them that we would like some space? Bullies that disguise themselves as friends stick with the people that don’t speak up about being put down, about being controlled. The only way to remove yourself from the situation is to remove them.

So yes, it is okay to be “selfish” and decide to cut toxic people out of our lives. If we spend our years on earth allowing ourselves to be pushed around, made fun of, controlled or belittled by people who claim to be friends, then we sacrifice our own happiness. I don’t know about you, but I would rather cut someone out of my life than spend it trading my wellbeing for their insecurities to be lessened.

Cover Image Credit: Lorna Jane Active Living

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How To Cope With A Best Friend Breakup


Breaking up with a boyfriend is one thing, but breaking up with your best friend is a whole new level of heartbreak.

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We all know breakups can be tough, but when that breakup happens to be between you and your best friend, things reach a new level of heartbreak. I met my best friend junior year of high school after our Spanish teacher randomly assigned us to be partners; we struggled so much in that class but in the end, we truly became inseparable. When senior year rolled around we were still close as ever; people would often joke that we were sisters because we looked and acted so much alike. We would go on little dates together, go to parties together, and were always the first person we called when something "major happened."

When my best friend's boyfriend of four years cheated on her while we were spring breaking in Europe, it became my duty to make her feel better; I would randomly drop off flowers and little notes to her house, spend countless hours just listening to her cry and vent, and even stopped talking to people associated with her boyfriend so as to show my "support." All of these things were no big deal to me considering I loved this girl like a sister; whatever she needed I was there to give that to her.

Things soon took a sharp turn when we entered not only the same college but the same sorority. While I was struggling with the social aspect of FSU, my best friend soon found new best friends. When I started having major issues with my boyfriend, I would automatically text/call my best friend as she did with me, but instead of support, I got the sense that she was passive and uninterested. Our little dates and goofy inside jokes disappeared and reappeared between her and her new friends, and my comfortableness around her soon turned into insecurity.

Coming to terms with the fact that the girl I knew everything about is now basically a stranger was a hard one to overcome; I didn't want to accept the fact that my best friend decided it was time to find new ones. It's heartbreaking knowing that the special things you shared with a person are now being shared with others, and it's hard to accept the fact that you aren't wanted or needed by the one person you thought would be by your side forever.

Since school has ended I think I have accepted the fact that we're no longer what we used to be. Of course, it still stings when I see social media posts with her new, college friends, but I just have to remind myself that this is part of life and I just have to move on. I will forever cherish the memories I made with her, but it's time to acknowledge that they were made with someone in my past, not with someone in my present.

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