One of the hardest things for me as a wife is to watch people take advantage of my husband. It’s not much of an issue when it is me being used, because it does not happen nearly as often. For him though, it happens every day, several times a day. Anyone that knows him knows he is a good man; therefore some try to manipulate or exploit him. He allows it to happen, not because he doesn’t know what is going on, but because he is a good person. Do not get me wrong, not everyone that asks him to do things, or that he helps, is taking advantage of his kindness…there’s a difference. What I am referring to are the people that are constantly using him; the people that ask too much of him, and especially the people that know he has other priorities or obligations and still expect him to finish or do something they could do or wait to have done. This is a sad way to treat someone you care about. It is a sad way to treat anyone. Unfortunately, there are more people that “want, want, want” and less people like my husband, who simply gives.
Greg was taught to put others first, and to always help people whenever and however you can. It is one of the reasons I fell in love with him. I truly feel like the luckiest woman in the world to have been blessed with such an amazing guy. In saying that, it is pretty crazy that I get upset with him sometimes for allowing people to use him or mistreat him. Getting upset with someone for doing one of the very things you fell in love with them for is crazy, and I do that! I am being crazy. I am starting to realize that it is not something he is doing wrong, but rather something others are wronging him by doing. He is just being himself and being a good, thoughtful person. It is in his nature to care about people and put himself last. My irritation towards him should be directed at the violator. Although, I will say, there are times when we, your family, need to be first. There may be times you do turn people down that we just do not know about, so tell us. Knowing you do occasionally refuse to help others during the time you are with your family is important for us to know. It shows we are your priority. Obviously, there are circumstances when you will have to be away to help someone during the evening, but we will be more understanding if we hear how many times you DIDN'T help in the evenings or weekends.
My husband is a wonderful man. Over the years, I have learned that this issue is like a double-edged sword for him, and that is partly my fault. I should never make him feel guilty or get upset with him for trying to be a good person. I do not want to change him, but my actions are proving otherwise. I need to be more like him, and understand that God wants us to help one another. God's Word says to love one another, and live for Him. That is exactly what Greg is doing. He is living a selfless life that God is proud of. As for the people that constantly take advantage of him, I cannot control them. The only person I am in control of is me. I do not like it, but I cannot force people to be good to him.
Ultimately, what I am trying to say is that when a person like my husband has a hard time saying no, it can be hard on your family. If someone is taking time for you, that is time away from their family. It could leave more responsibilities to others in the household.
Try to remember who really is important. It is a great quality to be selfless, but if you are allowing others to take advantage of you, you are not really helping them, but enabling them. Make people do what they are able to do, and only help when it is actually needed, not just wanted.
You deserve to be treated with respect. You are worth it. You have to set the standards of how others treat you. Plus, your family wants to be selfish with you... they love and need you the most!
I think it goes without saying that this article is dedicated to the love of my life, Greg Bayouth. I am grateful to have such a wonderful husband and father to our children. You make me a better person. I love you, Greg!
