It's OK To Be Single

It's OK To Be Single

Yes, even on Valentine's Day.
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Seems as if everywhere I turn there is another relationship happening before my eyes. I used to ask the same question that everyone asks themselves, "What's wrong with me, why aren't I in love?"

Whether you've been in love or haven't, I'm here to tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you are currently single. Our society is focused on pressuring us to believe that we must be in a relationship, we have to focus on the future and if we're not ahead of the game of dating then we're far behind. People think that every day that they aren't in a relationship is time wasted. Honestly, it blows my mind how people think that way and that they are not fully happy unless they are in a committed relationship.

Sure, we all want that one person to tell everything to, the one person to cuddle beside and the one person to constantly post pictures with as you fall in love. I know all the love that social media and Hollywood glamorizes is constantly shoved in our faces every day. It seems that love is just surrounding everyone except you. I'm here to tell you that it's perfectly OK to be single, especially in college.

College is supposed to be the best four years of your life. It is surrounded by unforgettable memories, those lifetime friendships and way too many microwavable mac-and-cheeses to count. So why, if we don’t have to be, are we tied down during these extraordinary years of our lives? I’m not saying that it’s bad to be in a relationship, but it certainly isn't the end of the world to be single. Here are some reasons why being single in college is perfectly OK and maybe even better than being in a relationship.

1. You need to love yourself before anyone else can.

"I encourage you to fall in love, and fall hard! But, do yourself a favor and don't forget to fall in love with yourself first!" – Carrie Bradshaw

The following is an actual rule that took me a while to learn. If you look for validation and reassurance from other people, you will never love yourself fully. It's quite unlikely that just because a guy or girl compliments you that you'll fully believe it for the rest of your life.

Many of us just want to be loved. However, oftentimes we forget the most important thing to do, which is to love ourselves.

We can't expect someone to commit to us if we are not devoted to ourselves. We can't hope for someone to support us if we don’t have faith in ourselves. We can't wish for security and laughter and challenging jealous fights if we do not believe that we deserve it. If we can't be honest with our relationship then we are lying to ourselves.

We cannot expect someone else to love us if we do not love ourselves. We need to be committed to who we are individually. We need to support all of our hopes and dreams. We need to believe that we are funny if we want to make someone truly laugh. We have to learn how to take care of ourselves before we let someone else try. We need to know what we want out of an argument before we start bickering. We need to listen to ourselves. We need to take a deep breath and realize our worth and importance. We have to have confidence.

Only we can pull ourselves out of the black hole of insecurity. We have to recognize that the only person who we can depend on is ourselves. We have to like our personality. We have to recognize our weaknesses and embrace our flaws. We have to love ourselves through our mistakes, self-described imperfections and any regrets that we may have. We have to believe in who we are, always and forever. We just have to in order to keep going.

Only when we have learned to love ourselves can someone else do the same.

2. You don't need anyone to make you happy.

This point almost goes hand-in-hand with loving yourself, but you certainly don't need anyone else to make you happy other than yourself. If you're seeking happiness based on someone else, you will live such a long miserable life. You can't put your happiness into other people's hands because you will always end up getting hurt. Sure, people can make you happy, but we don't need to rely on others to bring us happiness because we can do that ourselves.

3. If you don't let go of the past, you will never appreciate the present.

For holidays such as Valentine's Day, oftentimes people begin to think of their exes and what could've been. Don't fall into that trap. Of course, everyone has great memories with their ex and romantic holidays like Valentine's Day are easy triggers for people to miss the past and wonder why they're alone now.

I know that I will always cherish those memories, but that was in the past. You have to stop clinging to what could've been and instead plan for what will happen tomorrow. All the time that you're spending being upset and thinking of the past is preventing you from living in the present. Who knows what will happen? It's scary, but it's something to embrace. Any of us can find something to dwell on from previous pain within our lives. Though grief is necessary in order to fully heal, we shouldn't act like these events didn't happen and erase these memories from our mind. Instead, we need to learn from our mistakes, grow as an individual and focus on the many more memories to come.

4. Being single does not have to mean being afraid of love.

From family to friends to relationships, my heart was beaten, bruised and broken into a million pieces before. Through it all, though, I don't feel traumatized and I absolutely know that I will love again. We can't change anything about the past, but we can certainly learn from it and become a better person in the future.

We can't be bitter just because we were hurt before. All things must fall before we can accomplish and rise for the better. Don't close yourself to love. Instead, welcome it, but remember what it felt like to be hurt so that you can fix the mistakes that you've made in the past.

5. Just because you're single, does NOT mean you're alone.

Oftentimes, I felt like I was alone when all my friends were in relationships. Little did I realize that I was surrounded by so many people that loved me and I was blind to it. It's the little things that people do for you that make you appreciate life, especially when you feel so alone.

Though no family is perfect, you're stuck with them and no matter what, you will never be alone. My dog CoCo has never left my side during any kind of heartbreak or sadness that I've experienced in my life. It's important to realize that we're not alone ever. Whether we have 50 people or five people in our lives, it's never just us. Just because we may be feeling lonely compared to others, chances are that deep down, though they're surrounded by so many people who love them, they are sad.

Never compare yourself to someone else because chances are they are hiding what's wrong deep down. We're human, we all hurt sometimes; it's just natural. That shouldn't defeat us, though. It should only make us stronger and appreciate the friends and family (and pets) that surround us every day.

“Being single is not the end of the world,” a friend said to me. She continued by saying, “There are other problems that are more depressing than being single—hunger and homelessness, for instance.”

That felt like a slap in the face to wake me up. It reminded me that even with a broken heart, I am still standing. I’m still breathing. There are still so many possibilities for me.

Being alone comes independence and confidence. There comes clarity and realization that we deserve more than we have been getting. By being single, I've learned my worth and what I really do deserve from someone. I won't settle for anyone because, at the end of the day, I have my wonderful loving family, my incredibly talented best friends, my adorable old man dog and me. For me, that's enough.

Cover Image Credit: Vignette2

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10 Things I Threw Out AFTER Freshman Year Of College

Guess half the stuff on your packing list doesn't really matter
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I spent the entire summer before my freshman year of college so WORRIED.

I also spent most of my money that summer on miscellaneous dorm stuff. I packed the car when the time finally came to move in, and spent the drive up excited and confused about what the heck was actually going on.

Freshman year came and went, and as I get ready to go back to school in just a few short weeks (!!), I'm starting to realize there's just a whole bunch of crap I just don't need.

After freshman year, I threw out:

1. Half my wardrobe.

I don't really know what I was thinking of owning 13 sweaters and 25 T-shirts in the first place. I wear the same five T-shirts until I magically find a new one that I probably got for free, and I put on jeans maybe four times. One pair is enough.

2. Half my makeup.

Following in the theme of #1, if I put on makeup, it's the same eyeliner-mascara combination as always. Sometimes I spice it up and add lipstick or eyeshadow.

3. My vacuum.

https://secure.img1-ag.wfcdn.com/im/d5ea3c03/resize-h2000-p1-w2000%5Ecompr-r85/3021/30217778/Express+6+Volt+Cordless+Bagless+Handheld+Vacuum.jpg

One, I basically never did it. Two, if I REALLY needed to vacuum, dorms rent out cleaning supplies.

4. Most of my photos from high school.

I didn't throw them ALL away, but most of them won't be making a return to college. Things change, people change, your friends change. And that's okay.

5. Excess school supplies.

Binders are heavy and I am lazy. I surprisingly didn't lose that many pens, so I don't need the fifty pack anymore. I could probably do without the crayons.

6. Cups/Plates/Bowls/Silverware.

Again, I am lazy. I cannot be bothered to wash dishes that often. I'll stick to water bottles and maybe one coffee cup. Paper plates/bowls can always be bought, and plastic silverware can always be stolen from different places on campus.

7. Books.

I love to read, but I really don't understand why I thought I'd have the time to actually do it. I think I read one book all year, and that's just a maybe.

8. A sewing kit.

I don't even know how to sew.

9. Excessive decorations.

It's nice to make your space feel a little more cozy, but not every inch of the wall needs to be covered.

10. Throw pillows.

At night, these cute little pillows just got tossed to the floor, and they'd sit there for days if I didn't make my bed.

Cover Image Credit: Tumblr

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To The Guy Who Fooled Me Twice, Karma Took Care Of You

But shame on me.

JordynL
JordynL
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I'll give it to you. The first time around was great. We had fun. We laughed. In the moment, it was great. You introduced me to what is now my favorite TV show, even though now I can only watch it when it comes on Adult Swim instead of having it readily available on Netflix. You actually enjoyed Hawaiian pizza so we practically lived on that and Dr. Pepper. We'd both go to work and come right back to each other at the end of the day, at least when I made arrangements to stay the night instead of spending time with my family like I honestly should've been. Although in hindsight, I should've ran.

But of course, all good things must come to an end. We were both so happy and we loved spending time with each other. The fire in your hair matched the fire in my soul and it worked. Unfortunately, I made the decision to call it off. I had to go back to school in another town because summer break doesn't last forever. Realistically, it wouldn't have worked. Even with the short hour and a half distance, "long distance" wasn't a thing for either of us. So I called it off and we came to a civil agreement. If we run into each other again in the future, we would try. But that was foolish. I should've ran and never turned back.

Then three months later, I was deep in school work; finishing essays in time for football games, working all the time- the cliche' life of a college student. Yet you felt the need to contact me out of nowhere. Three months after the fact. But I was fine. I had moved on, attachment was gone (at least I thought it was), and I was constantly with friends, engaging in whatever shenanigans we could come up with. But you. You contacted me. You said you missed me and you wanted me in your life. BUT you had met someone and y'all were dating.

-

Can the audience guess what came next? Yes, an invitation to the "hottest" threesome. Hard pass. I don't share.

-

Nearly a year went by after this conversation. My behavior hadn't changed. School, friends, football games, and now add Paddle People in the mix. Then one night during our traditional camp out before a game, I get a text from an unknown number. Normally I ignore but I had a weird feeling. But guess who? You. Apparently you had found out that she had been cheating on you with y'all's roommate. Disgusting, but okay. The relationship was over and you were confiding in me. Okay. I'm awesome at this. I had zero feeling but I still felt bad because stuff like this sucks.

Apparently somewhere along the lines, you had gotten reattached to me. Also along that line, I got used to talking to you on a daily basis again and got attached as well. We had agreed to meet up and hang out. Sure. What's wrong with meeting up with a friend? BUT you wanted me to meet your mom and stepdad. I should've ran.

Obviously I was an idiot. I met them, I loved them, they loved me, and we all had a great time. The literal closet full of liquor that your mother opened was honestly pretty enticing. From that night on, we hung out more and things seemed almost like they were. Aside from your depressing heartbreak and being terrified to start something new with me, even though you said you wanted to. I should've known better because I was sick of wasting time, but if I'm awesome at anything, it's being supportive. But I should've ran.

Eventually we started up again. AND I got along with your younger brother. Remember all the laughs we all shared? At least until you found out that one of the guys your ex-girlfriend cheated on you with was your younger brother. That, among other reasons, was why you made your mom kick him out of the house. But now he's in the Air Force making a better life for himself. Oddly enough, he's been really successful ever since he got separated from you and your family. Who would've thought? Oh yeah, me. Part of the reason you kicked him out was, of course, the disgust that your own brother betrayed you, but also because you were terrified that he would do the same thing with me. What you didn't know was that SHE initiated the relationship with your brother, not the other way around. But you either don't know that or don't want to accept it. Either way, I'm not that kind of person.

The kicker is when I found that you were in contact with her. To get your stuff back, I get it. BUT when I saw the messages of y'all wanting to hook up and do all these things while I was at work? Oh no. I bet you'll recall I confronted you about that and how you claimed you didn't owe me anything because we weren't actually together. True, but YOU wanted trust with us. Yet you couldn't be trustworthy and got defensive, not because we weren't fully committed, but because you got caught.

Big surprise, I went to work one day. We made plans to get dinner after I got off work and changed. I called you to let you know I was on my way, but SHE answered the phone. While y'all were consummating your "born again" relationship, I might add. Which is kinda funny and insulting to you. But my heart dropped. I sped to your place, and my fears were obviously correct. Her car was there. But the kicker? My suitcase was thrown in the driveway. Not even containing all my belongings. Fast forwarding through the retrieval of my belongings, communicating with your dirty, patronizing, personal skank through a garage door ORDERING her to get the rest, and you not bringing them to me directly, but instead leaving them on the porch so I couldn't confront you- I learned that you were nothing but a spineless coward.

I left. I went back to work because it was the first place I could think of that was the closest. I ran into the arms of someone that I once considered my best friend; my other half, even though we were going through our own rough patch and were barely speaking. But at the time he was the only one that knew about you in your entirety, so of course I ran to him. And I will thank him relentlessly for that AND for letting me by booze, only for me to drive to another friend's house so I could crash there and let me spew out my feelings and regrets. Not only with you, but with every potential relationship decision I've ever made. I will always thank that friend for that till the day I die. Those two guys put me back together that night.

In that moment, you had broke me. But now I realize that I should've ran. I should've ignored that unknown text. I should've let the first round be the only round because I came out on top.

You know what makes me feel better though? And that makes me kind of a shitty person? I know she cheated on you again. I know for a fact. Because a friend of mine showed me a picture of a girl he hooked up with recently. Within the last month to be exact. And guess who? Your girl. The ultimate kicker is that, unfortunately he has an STD now. He's treating it, but it's undetermined of when he got it. I'm willing to bet a lot of money that he got it from your girl though, considering we both know she opens her legs for basically anyone. Whether she knows about it is a mystery. Knowing how many guys she's still cheating on you with is a mystery. But karma is a dirty bitch and she got you.

You screwed me over, so enjoy screwing your STD ridden girlfriend. Girls don't show symptoms for a while, so that should be fun for you; considering you like the RAW feeling. So congratulations. The feeling of her burning bush matches the fire in your hair.

JordynL
JordynL

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