I'm staring at my computer screen searching for the words to describe how I'm feeling currently, and I'm coming up blank.

Perhaps it's because graduating from college is such a mixed bag. On the one hand, I am so excited to finally be out of school and free from all of its stressors, but on the other hand, school is all I have known for the past 18 years. What lies on the other side?

I fear that graduating means my childhood is over. I worry that I haven't enjoyed it enough. That I actually spent too much time focusing on school instead of on myself, and now that I'm graduating, it's too late. Is the fun over? Have I missed my chance? It seems as though the responsibilities of adulthood keep piling up, and I find myself running away from them constantly. Maybe I don't want to leave school just yet.

And yet, I also want to be free. I don't want to have to take a test and study for a class that I'm not interested in. I want to read the books that I want to read. I don't want to do assignments that I dread anymore. There is something very exciting about graduating in this sense. I finally get to choose what I want to spend my time doing (my free time when not working, that is).

As I sat in my last academic class ever (not sure if grad school is on the horizon, but for now, I'm just assuming it's not), I couldn't help but be overcome with a sense of melancholy. Even though the class stressed me out every single week, and I'm freaking out about the upcoming final, I just felt so lucky to even be in a room where someone was teaching me things I had no idea existed. That I'll miss the most. Being in school has opened me up to so many different things and has made me see the world in a new light. What's it going to be like not having access to such knowledgeable people on a near constant basis?

I don't know what's to come, and that scares me the most. But I think everyone is scared. And excited. And sad. And happy. And nervous. And curious. It's all in.

Being thrust into the real world is all things at once, but there is no stopping it. All we can do is take a deep breath and step into this next phase of our lives. I know I'll be crying and laughing my way through it all.