College applications are... Well, they're frustrating, to say the least. It can be aggravating to hear "Why are you applying?" and "Why should we accept you?" and "What makes you stand out from thousands of other applicants?" over and over again. At any rate, here's a little something I wrote during my college application process in order to relieve some of that frustration. Try not to get second-hand angst, for my sake.

Dear Admissions,

All right, here goes: another dolled-up, über-polished hypocritical fallacy about why I’m applying to the University of Such-and-Such. What would you like me to say, O Thee Misters and Mistresses of Admissions? That I’m honored to be given the chance— nay, the privilege —to apply to thy glorious institution, and I’m all the more overjoyed to detail why it is I feel that I, maybe, possibly, deserve to be accepted into an education system as dignified as thine own?

That I come from an impoverished, misfortuned line of heritage and I would be forever indebted to thee if thou were to grant me passage into a higher realm of life, so that I might one day rise above what little expectations were set out for me as a child, and prove unto the world that I, too, am capable of success?

That, at the very minute I set foot upon thy verdurous landscape and made acquaintances of thine hospitable faculty, I felt strongly that my search for the next four years had ceased, and my early application to thee deemed it so?

Well, if that’s what you want to hear, then fine. It wasn’t all that difficult to come up with, really.

But it’s not the truth — far from it!

If you’d asked for the truth (which you wouldn’t have, because you never do), I’d say the following:

I applied to your school because you give good financial aid, and I’m inclined to believe I have a decent shot at earning it. I applied because you have a reputation for being rigorous and challenging, but not without being generous and welcoming, and I’d like to find out if you live up to your name. I applied because you cater to the Undecided, and even if that’s not the title I declared, it remains an adjective that describes nearly every 18-year-old in the world, and you seem to recognize that.

When it comes down to it, does it really matter why I applied? The fact is, I did apply. I’m not going to ask why you accepted me (if and when). I’ll simply be pleased with the knowledge that you did. And that on its own should be enough.

Sincerely,

A (Probably Misguided) Teenager

Yeah, applying is a daunting process for sure. But — and this is a crucial but — you get through it! And in the end you look back at all the work you put into putting yourself out there, and you smile. Or maybe you roll your eyes, or say a prayer of thanksgiving that it's a thing of the past. At any rate, you did it! You're doing it! Have courage, have heart, and have a sense of humor.

Seriously. Admissions people like a good laugh.

I think. I don't know. Don't listen to me. It's not like I go to Princeton or anything.

Good luck, you guys! And remember: