I'm sorry. For always the one who has their hopes up in every situation. For being too childish, being the up going one. For not being good enough for you, or your friends. I sincerely apologize for caring to much about everyone else except for me. I'll try harder next time to shut out my heart so it doesn't get connected to you. I'm sorry that someone so sweet, loving and patient as myself was not good enough to beheld in your presence.I'm sorry that I got hurt, because of what you said, and truly sorry for ever stepping out of line in the way that you were allowed to. Sorry.
I use to be sorry.
Being sorry for a human response is not nessary. You are allowed to be angry with people who have hurt you. I understand how people just expect you to act normal as if nothing happened, but in the inside you want to throat punch someone.It sucks in high school, college and work. Because as our mothers always told us, " they are waiting for a reaction," and its up to you on how the group handles it and you god dam know that everyone wants it just like was. Change is terrifying specially when there has been a conflict of interest. But be sure the other person knows where they stand because, nothing is more awkward than them acting like nothing happened.
People are selfish.
No one is going to have better intentions for you other than you (or momma), no one probably looks at the future as much as you do. You have to realize that most people think of this next week or next day, not the big picture. This will lead you to be disappointed. No one thinks like you, and if someone has no good intentions for you, they obviously don't think about you much anyway. People are selfish, but so are you, you are like 15-22 years old, not a shit ton of responsibilities, and if you don't have a child or married yet you are a little selfish in some ways.Because right now is the time to make sure you survive through the storms to come. You have to survive, and no one is going to be there for you, you have to rely on yourself.
Waking up sucks
Waking up to the same situations suck alot. Specially if you are in a tough spot of not going anywhere and can't do much more than wait. I understand that on a spiritual level, because you might be stuck in a situation for a day, weeks, or even months and all you can do is wait. Be patient. If you were happy once you will be happy again. Its a process.
Being single sucks even harder.
This section is for the significant other. Being 20 and single literally sucks a shit ton in this culture. Shout out to the mains, Tinder and Bumble, "Meet New Friends," I feel like anyone reading this would say their new slogan should be, "Hook Up or go." These apps are so tempting when your bored and just want to talk, it most likely goes sexual with in the first 10 messages. Not bashing my hook up culture, but dam I don't remember the last time I saw a guy go up and actually ask for her number, NOT HER SNAPCHAT, but her actual number. Or tried to strike a convo, instead of just waiting till he finds her on tinder. Partying also has its pros and cons, being a single girl at a party can have so much pressure (specially college party), to leave with someone, or atleast have someones attention. If there wasn't so much pressure than why the heck do most of us wear pretty revealing clothing? Liquid courage is also another big thing, so that guy finally comes over to talk to you, but took him 3 tall boys and 2 hits to actually come and do it. I'm not saying you won't meet some awesome people, but this situation is so common it isn't even funny anymore. Away from the party scene, the girls can practically fulfill a lot of your time, but if you had a relationship for quite sometime, its hard to replace all that time you had with your ex to now with the girls. There are some things that the girls can't fulfill thats loneliness, comforting feeling and obviously physical, so thats why it seems so easy to get on those apps to fulfill that, but we all know that we can only do that for so long before it becomes a bigger issue. I mean you are independent woman, but common we all get a little jealous of what could be. But right now just sucks, but it makes you appreciate it more later. Take your break, let time pass.
Stop apologizing
Stop it. Don't apologize for what you have to do to survive. Whatever takes you to be happy with yourself, you don't need to apologize for that. If you didn't do anything, then why should you apologize for someones else's actions?
