We live in a world where humans have minds and minds have a mind of their own. The mind can be a tricky, scary place, and if you play your cards right, you too can live happily ever after. But for people with mental disorders, happily ever after seems unreachable.
As someone who has dealt with anxiety and depression from a young age and continues to deal with it, I am here today to tell you my story about how therapy basically saved my life. As much as I don’t like talking about my anxiety and depression, it’s about time somebody did. I’m tired of living in a world where we need to keep our mouths shut for the benefit of others. That ends now.
At the age of 15, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and along with the anxiety came depression.
I’ve always had a low self-esteem but little did I know it would just get lower. There were days where I couldn’t stop worrying for the life of me. I was always on edge. I couldn’t sleep. Odd, random, unexplained irrational thoughts constantly came into my mind, and there was nothing I could do about it but worry. (I am actually sitting here shaking my legs as I type.)
I felt like something was off with me, but because I was so ignorant, that’s when it became worse. I tried to convince myself that it was normal to have these thoughts or doubts that filled my mind, but in the end, I knew there was something I need to do: help myself.
I will never forget sitting down with my mom and talking to her about wanting to go to therapy. As lame and cheesy as this is about to sound, if it weren’t for Demi Lovato, I don’t think I would’ve felt comfortable enough to tell my mom what was going on in my mind. Her story empowered me so much that I knew I needed to take the right step.
After having one therapy session, I knew that things were going to get better. I could feel it. Months and months passed and started to feel "normal" again. One year later, I felt like a completely different person. I felt in control and sure of myself for the first time in a long time. And then, I broke. After finally thinking I had everything figured out, I ended up becoming even more lost than I was before.
There was this period of time where I just felt worthless and unimportant. My mind became too much for me and twisted itself into a dark hole. I wanted everything to stop. My thoughts and myself. I wanted to commit suicide. I know on the outside it can seem like everything is okay. All we have to do is fake a smile and no one suspects a thing. The only one who truly knows you is yourself. I did just that. I faked a smile for the longest time, but deep down I just wanted everything to end - especially my life.
After speaking about this with my therapist, I started taking anti-depressants. I had never wanted to be that person who relies on medicine to fix them. Maybe you are, too. In the end, you need to do what's best for yourself. At that moment, I had to do what was best for me.
If I could suggest one thing to you, do it. Take medication. There is nothing wrong with helping yourself and taking a pill for the better. I know for a fact I would rather feel stable with a little white pill than to be miserable with a vast dark mind.
That little white pill saved my life. Ever since I started taking Lexapro, I have felt more in control of my mind. Everything that I was so sure that mattered, realistically didn't. It was all in my head. All it took was dedication and therapy.
If you know that something is wrong and you're feeling off. Do some research and find the best way to better yourself. Don't ever feel ashamed of seeking professional help. Look at it this way, wouldn’t you rather talk to a complete stranger without judgement, than to talk to a close person in your life about something so personal? Therapists are here to help. If you haven’t tried therapy, but you know you need to, please get the help you need and deserve. Every one deserves to feel comfortable in their own mind.
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