People that I use to know, often tell me that I have changed, that I am not the person I was a few years ago. Don’t get me wrong, they’re right, for the most part. I did not change completely, the things that mattered did, and then my actions simply followed.
Growing up, I started to realize what was important and what wasn’t. The things I use to think about became less of a thought and more of a distant memory. While my friends went and did their thing, I often found myself not interested, maybe it was because I was growing out of the child-like play they all enjoyed so much.
This caused me to lose friends, but I have to remind myself it wasn’t a loss. Those people that decided to go on a separate path are a constant reminder of where I could be right now. I am not saying anything is wrong with where they are or what they choose to do, but I am saying I am thankful I am not the person they are. Everyone has different interests, different things they enjoy, and those friends and I, started finding new and different things that we liked, the things we had in common became a smaller number as time passed.
The older I got, the smaller my circle got. At first, I hated it, but then I realized half those people that claimed to be my friend, couldn’t tell you my favorite food or my favorite color if they tried. I couldn’t call them at 3am with a problem and trust they would be there for me. They really never put in the effort to talk to me, they often chose their relationship over me and put me last… It bothered me for a while until I realized, it was not worth the ache. Again, not everyone you lose is a loss.
A very big part of me has changed, yes. But I am still the same to a point. I just started figuring out what mattered and what didn’t. I learned who I needed and who I don’t. There is nothing wrong with that. But for the people that said I have changed, yeah I guess you’re right. I did change, my style changed, my attitude changed, and my personality changed, but it all changed for the better and that’s what matters most. I couldn’t keep living my life for other people, or doing things to please them. I often felt like I had to do all these insane things to impress people, now? I find people that accept me for who I am.
Life is crazy. We all experience things that make us change who we are. I experienced bad friends and bad experiences that I didn’t want to be a part of anymore. I let that part of my life go.
Now, I am finally discovering who I really want to be. I don’t make time for people who don’t put in the effort, I don’t start the conversation first every time, and I don’t expect anything, expectations often led to disappointment. Losing those people and that part of my life wasn’t a loss for me, it was really a win, now I have great friends, and we have stupid adventures and amazing memories together. I finally feel comfortable around the people I surround myself with. Plus, this is just a small point in my life, in 10 years, the things I thought mattered now, won’t matter then, and you’ll find me changing my interests and what’s important to me because that’s what we do in life.
My biggest piece of advice to anyone now is, allow yourself to grow, let go of those old friends and change who you are. But change because you want too. Change because you’re ready too. Just remember that the person you become might cause you to lose those friends you had. But then again, not everyone you lose, is a loss. Find happiness in the small things, and enjoy the little things life has to offer. Let go of the negative energy and things will just start to fall into place.
Next time someone tells you that you’ve changed, just smile and say
“I did, but so did the things that mattered to me, so my actions followed.”
