The Journey by Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
We discussed a lot in my classes throughout this semester. And, to tell the truth, I never truly thought I would learn so much from six classes that seemingly meant nothing to me prior to these past four months. Yet, all I've done this whole semester is learn. And I realize that you may be thinking "well duh, one would hope so considering you're in school" but I'm not just talking about classes. I'm talking about life and its lessons.
I cannot lie and say that this semester hasn't been brutal for me. Because it truly has. I've trudged through a lot of trying experiences, experiences that I never thought that I would have to go through in a million years. But I say that like a lot of my trying times haven't happened before this year and that is simply not true. But I'm still here. I'm still breathing, still smiling, still trudging through even when I've wanted to quit numerous times and on countless occasions.
So this one is for me. Because, even though I am writing this, I need to hear it time and time again. And I'm sure that I'm not the only one. So this is for you as well.
The Mary Oliver poem from above was shown to me in my prayer class this semester, oddly enough. And it stopped me in my tracks. I don't think I have ever related more to something in my entire life.
Often times, we let others control what we do, who we are, where we go in life. We do this for a variety of reasons. We are scared to defy the people that matter the most. We are terrified of walking at our own pace. We are wary of the unknown.
I have spent my whole life making sure everyone around me is okay. Okay in their own lives, okay with my life, okay with everything. I do it so much that I let my own needs and wants completely fall to the wayside. I probably will always be that way in some variation but I've taken my first steps into my own happiness; on my own path.
Mary Oliver was right. The only person you can truly save is yourself. And that sounds incredibly harsh, I know. But think about it for a few moments. If you're like me, you spend so much time worrying about those around you that you never truly think enough about yourself. There is so much time and effort put into helping and "saving" others that no time is spent on saving yourself.
But there will come a time where the paths of life are presented to you and you will have to choose where you go. Will you go down the road that is well known or the "less traveled" (Shout out to Robbie Frost, one of the greats)?
It's not a simple question and there is no simple answer. The road of life is long and arduous. But there is a point in making this decision. The path that we become so comfortable in is most often the most dangerous one for us to take. It is the one that allows for people to use us. The one that grows the vines that root our feet to the ground as they stand there, motionless for years upon years. It is the one that seems less frightening and yet is filled with the screams of others that constantly look for our help but do not look to help us in return.
So choose the road "less traveled". Take the chances. Mend your own life. Save yourself. Make new strides. Be yourself because no one else will ever compare.
