Notice: This article contains language that some readers may find offensive.
The LGBT* (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) community has become a widely recognized social group that seems to be growing in size by the day. Many people who identify as LGBTQ+ are beginning to feel comfortable expressing publicly who they are and "coming out" to their friends and family. Along with this comes a huge sense of vulnerability. While the times are changing and society is becoming progressively more accepting, some people still hold a negative view towards sexuality.
A certain fragility comes with being "out" and open about one's sexual orientation, and not everyone who identifies as LGBT is comfortable setting boundaries with friends about topics of conversations or even activities they participate in. While not every member of the LGBT community may be "out," not everyone is in a position to express their wishes as far as conversation topics or activities go. But we all are human and we all have feelings, which is why I want to act as a voice for people who can speak up for themselves yet.
I want to touch on two important things: The Gay Best Friend fallacy, and the use of abusive slang.
1. I'm not your Gay Best Friend.
This title just screams for attention, and many people are not comfortable identifying with it. Although I myself am "out" and comfortable with who I am, I do not allow my friends to call me this. Labeling someone purely because of their sexuality coincides with labeling someone purely because of their ethnicity, like "my black friend" or "my Asian friend." It limits the person to one identifier and the social constructs that come along with it.
To put it simply, this title is not fair. Gay people are like everyone else. They have hobbies, a job, and likes and dislikes. Sexuality is merely one of many aspects of a person, and labeling someone purely because of that is flat out rude. Often we aren't even asked if we can be called by this nickname. While some people view it as humorous, others view it as insulting, and if you absolutely have to use it to describe your best friend who just so happens to also be gay, make sure you ask them first before you throw it out there without getting permission.
2. "Gay" and "faggot" are never to be used as insults. Ever.
Individuals who are not yet "out" are often terrified of people discovering their sexuality before they can make the decision to tell people themselves. So when others throw the word "gay" around as an adjective or insult, it's thoughtless and can really cause some emotional turmoil. For those who do identify as gay (or even those who identify as lesbian, bisexual, transgender, etc.), this word is who we are. This word is who we love. This word is our life. Using it as an adjective for "stupid" is simply not acceptable. There are so many other terms out there you can use to express your disapproval or disgust at an idea that don't put down a social group in the process. And if you really can't think of another word to use, here's a list you should probably take a look at ASAP.
Surprisingly, people struggle with using the word "faggot" too. Whether it's the punchline of a joke or you're using it in some twisted way as an endearing term for your friend, it has been used to insult and humiliate gays for many years, and it's disappointingly still in circulation today. We are all too familiar with the slur used for African-Americans, yet few recognize the slur that homosexuals are slapped in the face with on a daily basis. Even when friends use it out of humor, it's never taken that way. Unless you're in England and asking for a cigarette, you have absolutely no right to keep it in your vocabulary.
Many more issues face LGBT people today, such as the stigma of AIDS/HIV and the refusal to issue marriage certificates to same-sex couples, but many fail to recognize some of the smaller, underlying issues that are encountered on a daily basis. While not everyone is offended by the topics above, many are. For this reason, I urge you to exercise caution in choosing your words and thinking about how much of an impact they can have.
Far too many lives have been lost because of hateful speech. It's time to start loving others for who they are.
*It is worth nothing that LGBT has become a blanket term for people who identify as anything other than heterosexual. Many may refer to the community as LGBTQA+: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer/Questioning, Asexual, and more. While these are not the only sexualities that people may identify with, they are among the most common and are therefore used to title the community.
