The "Fat Friend" as defined in Urban dictionary, "A girl or guy you keep around to make yourself feel more attractive. They usually have some outstanding quality like humor that makes them worth having around."

Welcome to the assumption of my life.

Whenever we go out I see the guys glancing around at everyone else except me, I stand there awkwardly while my friend talks to a guy and I'm all alone. When going out I try to hide my weight as much as possible and try to feel as good as I can about myself. One thing that happens without fail at least once on those nights is that I hear, "They brought the fat friend with them." Of course, my friend's ears aren't as adept at hearing these comments like I have because I have trained my ears to pick up such comments since elementary school. I was so paranoid when I was younger that I would read people's lips to see if they were talking about me. But when I hear and see the words "fat friend" coming out of some guy or girls mouth and lock eyes with the person saying it, there is not doubt that the target was me.

However, I would like people to know, I am more than just the fat friend.

I am not just someone you throw into a group to make you feel better about yourself. I would have let myself be that person in middle school or high school, but definitely not now.

I am not the "designated fat friend" of my group, I am not just a charity case. I am someone that they keep around because they genuinely enjoy my company. I hear comments every day about what I look like, whether it be that I am fat or ugly, and of course they hurt. Words like that are always going to hurt to an extent, but getting called the fat friend? I can definitely shoot that one down, no problem.

My friends do not care about what I look like, they think that I should see myself through their eyes because they think I am beautiful. As long as I am healthy, they could care less about what I look like. I am so truly grateful to have friends like I do. They have helped me through so much and they know what I have been through.

My friends are the reason I have become so strong and confident, the reason I can realize that I am not just someone brought on for sole comfort of people's egos. Two years ago I would be content with being someone thrown in to make people look good for the sole purpose of their enjoyment, but I have come to realize that being the "fat friend" isn't me. It is not an identity that I want to have. I am lucky to be able to surround myself with people who do not make me feel that way, people that make me feel like Alyssa, and not someone else.