I spent Valentine’s Day alone this year, I’ve spent many Valentine’s days alone, it isn’t new. But it was difficult to accept since I finally had a valentine last year - my first boyfriend who I dated for over a year. In the days leading up to Valentine’s Day, I couldn’t tell you how many times I played the song "I’m Not that Girl," from my all-time favorite musical, "Wicked." I thought about all the plans I’d overheard people putting together. A friend of mine revealed to me his adorable plans for his crush and how he was going to ask her out on Valentine’s Day. Another friend was buying a new dress for the carriage ride her boyfriend had planned out for her. And all I could think to myself was, "I’m not the kind of girl that people plan extravagant events for; I’m not the girl that people get nervous to talk to; I’m not the girl that people hope will like them back. I’ve never been that kind of girl."

I spent days trying not to break my diet eating my weight in chocolate as I hugged a pillow while watching Netflix; crying over Jim and Pam from "The Office" or Rory and Dean from "Gilmore Girls" or [insert your favorite fictional couple here]. I couldn’t help but wonder why I wasn’t that kind of girl? What cruel force in the universe had decided I would never be good enough for something spectacular and special. I had become so sure no one would ever love me again.

I know, I know. People have it worse than me, but to be honest, we’ve all felt like this when there’s commercial after commercial shoving happy couples in our faces for weeks on end. It’s hard not to want that companionship; the kind of partnership you could never fully get from your friends and family. And let’s be completely honest, you want a dang foot rub every now and then! Is that really so much to ask?! Just know, it’s not too much to ask. However, I’m (slowly) coming to the realization that I will be that girl to someone someday, but for now I can be that girl to myself.

Every single person: male, female, non-binary, genderfluid, etc., can be that person to themselves. It’s a learning process, but I think I’ve come up with a few ways to learn how to love myself first. I’ll write lovely poetry about myself; it’s not vain it’s a creative outlet to get to know and love myself better. I’ll draw myself a bubble bath, pour myself a glass of wine, play my favorite music and allow myself to relax. I’ll go straight to bed in fresh sheets afterwards and worry about the mess later. I’ll remind myself that buying a new dress or new shoes cannot always make me happy, but that doesn’t mean I’m not worth the small gesture every now and then. I’ll send myself flowers - yes I’m serious. Flowers brighten a room and a mood and there’s no shame in loving yourself enough to brighten your own day. I’ll catch myself when I second guess my dreams and goals, and gently remind myself I’m not crazy for going after what I want in life. I’ll take care of myself in every way I’d want a partner to take care of me, because I deserve that care and I’m strong enough to give that care to myself as I wait for my Prince Phillip (the one from "Sleeping Beauty"… he’s way better than Charming). I encourage you to do the same. Know yourself and what you want so your partner will have a better understanding of you. And at the same time you learn to care for yourself, you will also learn what love is suppose to feel like and how you should treat your partner.

And remember, if all else fails, the sales on the Valentine’s Day candy are only going to get lower as the week goes on so treat yourself to some of that discounted deliciousness!