(Not-So) Breaking News: Boys Are Still The Worst

(Not-So) Breaking News: Boys Are Still The Worst

What is it about them that makes them so difficult?
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This past year, I was not involved with anyone at all. Call it a cleanse, if you will, of the stupidity and overall suckiness of the male species. Now don't get me wrong! I have a ton of guy friends who are all sweet and fantastic young men but once you're on the outside of everyone's relationship problems, you see why boys kinda suck at it.

Allow me to elaborate.

Since I was not involved with anyone, I had a front row seat to all of my girl friend's boy problems. I've heard every complaint about the male species under the sun and it's made me realize that college boys are the worst. It also made me realize that we, as females, use the term "boy" far too much. "I'm talking to this boy" or "this boy keeps giving me mixed signals" and that's mistake number one. We are going after boys. We want men, ladies, not boys. The difference is in their maturity level as you will see in the following, real-life examples of why boys are the absolute worst.

As many college females have experienced and will experience (there's no avoiding it, ladies so saddle up) you will be talking to one particular guy. You will be talking, hanging out, flirting, hooking up, being each other's date to date functions and basically doing all things that fall under the definition of "dating" but you haven't defined the relationship other than the fact that you're exclusive and you like him, he likes you.

Basically, you'll suffer in relationship limbo, a place where you have no earthly idea WHAT you guys are and the second you try to DTR, he freaks out and runs away. Guys have commitment issues. Especially in college. Nobody really knows why but I guess it's been like that since the dawn of time? It's probably something in their genetic makeup to avoid at all costs, being in a relationship.

Another example of why guys are the absolute worst when it comes to all this messy dating-not dating stuff is that they, for the life of them, cannot take a hint. They don't know how to read facial cues, tones of voice or emotional cues like when to stop making fun of you when you're upset with them or when you're flirting with them. You could be walking around with a sign saying "I am flirting with you" and they still won't get it. Then they get pissed when you give up on them and try to flirt with someone else to make them jealous but then when they flirt with other girls and you get upset, they play the victim, acting like they did nothing wrong. So basically, they can't read it when you're flirting with them but they can read it loud and clear when you're flirting with someone else but it's OK when they flirt with another girl? Got it.

This past year, I re-downloaded Tinder just for poo-poos and ha-has. And yeesh, I forgot how brash and straightforward dudes are on these dating apps. I think I've heard and re-heard every pickup line ever and seen every annoying winky-faced gif ever created. I only re-joined Tinder for fun and to maybe make some new friends or have a conversation but that really wasn't the case. I also tend to swipe right on people that I know just because I personally find it amusing. One personal experience I had was I matched with a guy I went to high school with but never talked to all four years.

Ever since then, he's been bombarding me with messages on every social media platform you can think of even after I said I wasn't interested in pursuing anything with him which brings me to point three: guys try to have this hyper-masculinity when it comes to trying to get with a girl and it's actually kind of annoying so dudes who are reading this, tone down the testosterone and just be yourself.

Finally, guys, for whatever reason, think that they're God's gift to the world and the greatest thing that'll ever happen to you and that you will absolutely perish at the thought of not being with them. Some guys play this mind game where they act all loyal and loving one day and then completely 180 on you and tear you to shreds, making you cry and question what's wrong with you. Then, they come back and apologize, claiming they'll never hurt you again and you accept it. That's a sign of a toxic relationship and it needs to end completely, ASAP.

True, we can't live with 'em and we can't live without 'em but if I learned anything from my year without boys is that you do not constantly need a man to make you happy and complete. Sure, it's a nice vote of confidence to have one but this year really taught me what to look for in a guy, what's a healthy relationship and what's a toxic/fake relationship and how to handle playboys like the ones you encounter in college.

Ladies, we need to find guys who know what they want and will treat you with the respect you deserve. Which brings me back around in a full circle, date men, not boys.

Cover Image Credit: Maddy Whitfield

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To The Girl Who's Still Crying Over the Guy She Never Dated

We've all been there, you never really dated but you might as well have...
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We’ve all been there. Every single one of us. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all have been where you are; so let me just say, you’re not alone. No matter if your friends are the best people in the world, I’m sure they’ve had enough of your sadness over a boy who you were never really with. But that’s what’s scary, it feels like you were together. No matter the amount of time, maybe a month, maybe a year, no matter what, you had enough time to gain feelings for another person and be vulnerable; and that in itself is a tough pill to swallow. Now, the one person you thought would never hurt you, did just what they promised they wouldn’t do, and now you’re left putting the pieces of your life back together.

Enough of the sappy stuff. Let me tell you that life goes on. Whether over a boy, or a grade, or whatever it is, I have always told my friends, “You’re going to make it to tomorrow.” And although it seems like the hardest feat you’ve ever endured, you are going to make it to tomorrow. And then, you’re going to make it to the next day. So it may seem that the day you end things with the boy you thought you were going to be with, is the worst day in the world, you are going to make it to tomorrow.

But even though you are going to make it to tomorrow, that doesn’t mean the situation doesn’t suck. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t cry. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be afraid or feel weird going to the bar you once loved, or the restaurant you guys would go to a lot, or the most common place to study on campus, in fear of seeing him. All of those feelings of uncertainty are totally normal, and in time, it will fade.

My friend once told me, this too shall pass.

So while you’re sad, or crying, or complaining about this boy, your friends might be telling you, “Get over it, you were never really together.” But I promise, it may take a while (seemingly forever), and as hard as it may be to believe right now, you will make it to tomorrow, and this too shall pass. Remember that.

With love from,

The girl who knows what it's like to have to get over the boy she never dated

Cover Image Credit: onehdwallpaper

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4 Signs That You Might Be A Pushover In Your Relationship

There's a fine line between being considerate and overly-accommodating in a relationship, here are some signs to help you determine which side of the line you're on.

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While most of us consider ourselves independent individuals who are secure enough to maintain our own values while respecting someone else's, the difference between being flexible and completely bending to a romantic partner's will can be a slippery slope.

Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean that everything the two of you disagree on suddenly disappears. There are times when you'll have to occasionally make concessions in order to reach a solution, but you should never be the one to relent every on every issue. If you're not sure about how you stand in your relationship here are few signs that you may be a dating pushover.

1. You let them set the pace of the relationship

It can be hard to know if things are moving at a normal speed, especially if you're new to relationships. If you feel like things are moving too quickly or like the two of you aren't on the same page and choose to ignore it because the other person is content with where you are, then you're not giving your own feelings enough consideration. A relationship is not just about one person's emotions, disregarding the ones you're unsure about to avoid making waves doesn't make you peacekeeper, it makes you a pushover.

2. Your lack of an opinion is replaced by theirs

It's okay not to have an opinion on every issue plaguing our society at the moment, but it's not okay to allow your partner to declare a stance for you. If you're having a conversation with friends and politics are being broached and your S/O prefaces their statement with "We think," -knowing darn well that you don't have anything to say about Trump's administration and they think he's the best thing since Netflix started streaming "Friends"- and you don't interject with your true feelings, then you've just let them know that their preferences are more important than yours.

3. You conform to the way they see you

People are multifaceted and complex beings. While Tinder may ask you to describe yourself by a handful of defining characteristics to better match you with a mate, you are more than just "quiet" and "indoorsy". If you find yourself with someone who reduces you to labels that complement them, chances are that the more you're around them the more you'll start to only identify yourself by those labels as well. When you conform to the 2-dimensional image that someone else has of you, you lose parts of your identity and become a social chameleon.

4. You alter your dreams to fit into theirs

It's exciting to picture your life with someone you care and are serious about. Of course, you have to make some configurations in order for things to work for the both of you, but there has to be an equal amount of compromise for it to be healthy. If you're working towards a degree that would open doors for you to meet new people and have new experiences but your S/O has dreams to get settled sooner rather than later and makes you feel like you're overreaching in your life, don't abandon your vision for something that would fit into theirs.

Being a pushover does not mean you're a weak person. I don't think anyone sets out with the intent to be a chameleon dater. Sometimes it happens gradually, two people start off in a relationship thinking that they're compatible and then one person grows more comfortable and their will and opinions turn out to be stronger than the other persons'. Other times, you just make a poor judgment call and try to make things work with someone that wasn't meant for you.

If you find yourself to be a pushover in your relationship and you're unhappy about it, you can change. Take some time to learn about yourself and figure out what you want and who you want to be. You can't choose someone who really loves you and values your mind if you don't know how you need to be loved and understood. Whether you need a to step away from the dating scene, have a conversation with your romantic partner or even take a break from them, understanding yourself will strengthen all of your relationships in the long run.

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