Since my first big break up, I've heard it time and time again: "Why don't you just give him a chance? You're so picky now. You need to not be so jaded." Unfortunately, I don't think those that rattle off these backhanded comments to me know what jaded means. Jaded, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, means "feeling or showing a lack of interest and excitement caused by having done or experienced too much of something." I've been in love once. I've experienced a real, true love once. I've had my heart broken once. I've survived heart break once. Having been through all that love has to offer, the good, bad and ugly, one time, I am not jaded. I'm just much smarter.

Ever since ending things with my first love, the man I thought was my forever, I've become what I like to call love-savvy. I know what I want, what I need, and I sure as hell know what I don't. So, I've become shrewd, uncompromising, "picky." When I see someone with the potential to be someone to me, I explore feelings, of course, but as a journalist, I have to ask the tough questions. So I also explore personality, dreams, endeavors, values. If something big, like those things, is faulty, or doesn't work with my needs, then I'm out. Which, most of the time, seems to mean I'm out.

However, I rarely feel depressed about the failure of these potential suitors, for lack of a better term. After experiencing the nearly unbearable pain of heartbreak, I've learned it's better to be picky, alone and happy than to be nonchalant about my needs as I'm with someone and miserable. Moreover, I'm not going to waste my time and someone else's time when there's no potential for us to go anywhere. If I am going to invest my time and energy into someone else, that someone better be doing the same and they better be worth it.

Now, I know this whole "love-savvy" nature must sound very cold and calculated. And it is a little bit. However, when the right person comes around, he'll meet my important needs and wants (and hopefully vice versa), his values will match mine, his personality and mine will coincide, his dreams and endeavors will be as important to him as mine are to me. And, in that moment, I can let go and love because I know this person is worth the risk. I know I held out and found the right man for me. I know that this experience, whatever happens in the end, will be worth it because it will be healthy for the both of us. And I can do all of this with confidence because I was smart in the early stages. I didn't jump in head first. I went in one toe at a time, until I could confidently immerse myself. Yes, it's more time and work to do that, but you won't see me with a broken neck from jumping head first into the shallow end by accident. No, I may never fall as quickly or as hard for someone again, but at least I'll fall for the right someone.