Let me be clear -- my interest and involvement in the feminist movement aims for gender equality. Admittedly, my involvement is somewhat limited (broke college kids can only do so much—though I would like to do more), but my stance remains the same. I want to invest my life, however much of it, to working towards gender equality. That is why I am a feminist.

I am not a feminist to “play hard to get” or to be “not like other girls" in other words, who I am and what I choose to support are not qualities I maintain for the appreciation of others. I am not a feminist so you can say you’re interested in a “girl that speaks her mind”—so you can justify “tying yourself down” to me, or any girl.

I am not a feminist to be a “special snowflake,” or to seem “hipster.”

I am not a feminist to be “argumentative.” I am not a feminist to make you angry—though, if I make you angry (because of something I say, not necessarily my behavior), you might want to consider why you’re upset—even though I might make you mad by expressing myself.

In other words, I am not a feminist for the approval of others.

It is incredibly frustrating when people act as though my status as a feminist is something that is their personal business, that I am a feminist for superficial reasons. Either I’m a “hostile b****,” too much and too loud, or I am patronized and reduced to arm candy with an extra gem. (“Oh look, she’s got a brain too! Her own opinions! How nice.”) Granted, as a woman, I’m already subject to people reducing me to either (or both) a vessel for more children (or, more aptly put, more men) or something to dress up and down. A beautiful trophy or the sitcom wife who nitpicks her husband and cleans up all of his messes—literal and metaphorical.

It’s exasperating to get the same reactions—a raised eyebrow, a condescending look, patronizing comment. It’s even more frustrating when people look at me, horrified, and exclaim, “Oh, but then you’ll never get a man!”

It’s downright maddening when the same people shame feminism for “not being a true movement” or “not actually doing anything.” Just what is it supposed to do? When you limit it to a pretty little label I can wear to show men that I have a mind and my own opinions, what can the movement do?

What right do you have to insult a movement you willfully restrict?

I am not someone who hates men. My refusal to conform to what men want me to be, or to condone general gendered mistreatment doesn’t make me hate men as a whole. It is (darkly) amusing, though, that some people can immediately see a stance that aims for gender equality and get flustered, as though feminism seeks to dehumanize men completely.

I am a flawed person, and I don’t think there’s any movement that is flawless. I am not arguing that either feminism or myself are above correction.

I am, however, telling you that I will not stand for my feminism watered down to a cheap stamp that sets me apart from “those other girls” and makes me “more appealing.”