Here's a pro tip when it comes to literally any popular article involving one's decisions on having children – never read the comments. Like most Internet comment sections, wars break out between the parents who insist no one's life is complete without children and the childfree crowd. Me? I'm not in either camp. I am not a parent. I spend forty-plus (and sometimes way into the “plus”) hours a week helping to raise other people's children, but that's another story. However, I'm not childfree. I have absolutely nothing against that. In fact, I very much support people deciding they absolutely do not want children before they have them. I do want a child someday. But here's my catch – I'm pretty sure I'll be okay if I don't.
It wasn't always that way. I used to fantasize all the time about my future child's room. About their name. I'd browse adoption-related sites before I was even remotely in a position to consider adopting. I was convinced I'd feel that I, personally, would be missing out on something in life if I wasn't someone's mother. But that's not where I am anymore. I haven't lost the desire to have a child of my own someday, but I've come to accept that I'm going to be all right if I don't. And that leaves me in a weird position, honestly.
There are tons of support groups and websites devoted to parents. There are also many, many resources for the childfree. There are also a wealth of options available for those who desperately want children but do not currently have any. A lot of those are geared toward infertility, granted, but it's still a community that exists. However, what about the “I want kids, sure, but I'm good right now” crowd? Not a lot out there for us. And I say us, because I'm not the only one. It's actually a fairly common position, though the Internet rarely reflects that. As in every day life, the dissatisfied get a lot more attention. People like me writing articles like this are essentially the equivalent of someone showing up at a protest with a sign that says, “Things are pretty okay right now!”
But, hey, don't we need a place to vent? Especially those of us who work with children professionally. A lot of people assume that we can't possibly know anything about raising children if we don't have any. I've put in more face-to-face childcare hours in my career than the parents of most toddlers. But sure, go ahead and assume. And nothing gets my goat more than the person who assumes I hate children because I don't have any, which is admittedly something some of my childfree friends can understand too well. But the minute I admit I'm totally open to having a kid someday, I'm out of that club. And parents won't let me in theirs. So where are the people like me out there? I've dubbed us the “In-Betweeners.” Let's meet for coffee on Wednesday nights.
