Have you ever just wondered, "Why?" or "Why does this have to happen to me?" Well, let me reassure you: You are not alone. You are not the first person to ever have something happen to you. I've wondered those same questions. I've questioned God, and even more, I've gotten mad at Him. I'll repeat this again: You are not alone. Because for so long, I thought I was.

This summer, I was diagnosed with exercise bulimia—an eating disorder that controlled my life for four years. All my life, I grew up going to church, learning that God protects His children. So when this happened, I was perplexed as to why God would allow this to happen to His child. "God, why me? All my life, I've tried to do everything right. I've made good grades. I've always been around good Christian friends. I've worked at children's camps and given devotions. God, why me? What did I do to deserve this?"

The day I was diagnosed, I began counseling sessions with a woman whose name, ironically enough, is Hope. Y'all, when I say this woman is a blessing at what she does, I mean it. She has been the God-sent angel I needed for so long. She has given me hope that Jesus Christ would see me through this dark and desolate part of my life and receive all the glory.

For so long, I did not want help. I did not see anything wrong with me. But I've learned that when we are disordered, all we see are our imperfections. I did not want to let go of the control I had because I liked having control—don't we all?

But after a while, I realized the control I thought I wanted for so long was not what I expected it to be. We all think control gives us a sense of power, yet control is like a jail cell. You are trapped with no way out. I was tired and cold—physically and spiritually—all the time, needing Jesus Christ more than I had the day I was saved.

We all know the saying, "You don't know you've hit 'rock bottom' until you're there," right? Well, let me tell you, it's not a fun place. You feel weak, worthless and empty—almost as if there is no purpose for your being. But we know that "God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them" (Romans 8:28).

One night after my first counseling session, I found that purpose. I did just as David writes in Psalm 18:6: "I cried out to The Lord in my time of need, and He heard me and healed me." That night, I fell by my bed and finally did what I was so scared to do for so long: I surrendered. I cried out to God and said, "Lord, You are in control, and I am not. Heal me. I surrender to You. I need You to rid me of me and fill me with You. I honestly don't know how You're going to do it, but You will heal me and receive all the glory. I want to live."

At that moment, I heard God speak to me in a way He never had before. It was the most profound, yet gentle whisper I had ever heard. He said to me, "Abby, My Grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in Your weakness." That night, I realized where my strength came from, and it's not from how much weight you can lift, how many hours a day you work out, what grades you make or how physically strong you may be. Our strength is found in Christ alone. You see, I thought admitting I needed help would make me weak and worthless. However, I realized that admitting I needed help made me stronger than the chains holding me back from the life God had planned for me. I finally started letting God fight the battle for me, and I've seen victories that can only be won by Him.

So that one summer night by my bedside, when I hit "rock bottom," I looked up and saw Jesus. He was right there to pick me up and break my chains so I could be free. And guess what? He will break yours too, so you can live the abundant, free life He has promised you. Sure, I've felt guilty and ashamed. I've wondered how in the world Jesus could ever love me again, but that's when I am reminded of the cross. And let me tell you, the cross is enough.

If the cross doesn't show love, then nothing does. I'm not saying every day since then has been a walk in the park, but I haven't had one day where Jesus has said, "Alright, Abby. I've given you all the love I can for today. You're on your own today." Nope. Not a single one. God's love never runs out or fails or gives up on us. We are never "too damaged" for God. Our God is not a God of abandonment. Our God is a God of comfort, love, protection and forgiveness.

I don't ask, "Why me?" anymore. I know why. God has a way of allowing things to happen so we realize we are not in control, and we are made in His image—not in who we "create" ourselves to be. Only God is perfect, and only He can ever be perfect.

I say all of this to say that, whatever your chains are, give them to God, the only One who is capable of breaking them. "There's freedom in surrender. Lay it down, and let it go. When you're on your knees and an answer seems so far away, you're not alone; stop holding on, and just be held."