Growing up, holidays were always a big deal. There was no school, no homework, no curfews, and elaborate and extravagant gifts under the Christmas tree.
I grew up with a mother that worked hard so my brother and I could always have everything we had ever wanted. From Gameboys and Play Station 2’s and 3’s, my mother always made sure we ended with the holiday blues (wishing it was Christmas again so we could relive the glory).
I thought that Christmas was the best thing ever. We would have Christmas countdowns, open a gift a night sometimes, bake Christmas goodies, and visit Santa to tell him exactly what we wanted. They are some of the best memories of my life.
Now that I am in college, I have become the “Grinch” or the “Scrooge” to most people. I don’t feel the joy and happiness in the holidays. I don’t believe in Santa. I hate, hate, HATE Christmas music and I loathe Christmas movies just as much.
Christmas is just another day for me. It has no special meaning. I think, in a way, Christmas has lost its meaning. Not only to me, but as a whole in itself. When I think Christmas, I think of shopping. I think of how stressed I get about money and how I can afford all these extravagant gifts while still being able to afford paying my bills on time.
Gifts are the only things that people care about. Black Friday has become a nightmare on Thanksgiving, prices for toys skyrocket, and my empathy for other people seem to dwindle as I hear them complain about petty things in regards to the holidays.
My mother asked me what I wanted for Christmas this year; and I think that for the first time ever, I have literally not wanted anything as much as I do this year (gift wise). Instead, I internally wish that the joy I had for Christmas would return. That I would enjoy family events around the Christmas tree, that I would find pleasure in decorations like I did as a child. I don’t want materialistic objects this year for Christmas. I want something internal. I want internal satisfaction.
I want to see the smiles on my mother and brother’s faces. I want to see the joy that they have just by simply being together as a family. I don’t want to argue about where gift receipts are or where I can exchange something. Christmas has become the holiday of objects; it isn’t of bliss and thankfulness. I don’t want to be the scrooge anymore, but this external need for object satisfaction is the only thing people care about anymore. They don’t care about the reason we celebrate or that we should be happy we are a family.
Objects have become our source of happiness and this year, for Christmas, all I want for Christmas is the pure content and joy that my family brings me without the material objects.
