I recently read an article called, "No, I Don't Have To Tell You I'm Trans Before Dating You", and it was highly disturbing to me.
If you read this, then you heard about the tragedy that happened to Jennifer Laude, a trans woman who was murdered after a man she slept with found out that she was trans. Basically he flipped out and killed her because she never told him she was trans before hand. In no way am I justifying murder, but I'm not justifying sexual assault either.
This Creator for this article says that it's okay to not tell you they are trans if you date. Uh, excuse me, but yes you DO have to tell me that.
I'm not into trans gender individuals and I will not date one either. I view transsexuality as a mere physical quality that I am not attracted to. You not telling me this, is you lying to me. Hiding something so secret because you are selfish. You're afraid of what I or anyone else would think so you choose to hold this knowledge to your self.
Informed consent means that the person being asked for their consent knows exactly what they are consenting to. Even if the trans person isn't initiating anything, they still have an obligation to disclose this information which could negate the initiator's consent. So yes, you do have to tell me or anyone else for that matter that you are trans.
The author, also a transgender, of that article talks about how it's transphobic to not want to sleep with a trans and they don't have to accommodate your transphobia by telling you they're trans knowing damn well you may not want to sleep with them. When you say transgender people don't have to come out to their partners before entering a relationship, but I think otherwise then I'M the problem? That's when it affects me. Sorry, but denying someone the ability to give informed consent is nothing short of sexual assault.
Everyone is entitled to informed consent as everyone is entitled to do what they please to their bodies. But if I am not attracted to trans, then this information needs to be disclosed to me beforehand. Its common courtesy for people to know what they are about to get into, not finding out after a hook up or when you feel the need to disclose this information.
The author claims that "demanding trans people to come out to potential partners is transphobic." This is absolutely absurd. Trying to explain why that's wrong is like trying to explain why fire is hot.
In what way is it ever acceptable to be deceptive in a relationship? You should always inform what your sexuality is, regardless if you think we think you like a girl or boy. It shows respect to be okay with what the other is into, and if I'm not into trans, then respect that. It doesn't make me transphobic, it just means I'm into the physical aspects of a woman.
Look into this further: if a trans person does not disclose this important information before entering a physical relationship, there should be legal consequences. Deceiving another person into sleeping with you is rape. Knowingly violating someone else's sexuality for your pleasure is immoral.
All this author did was encourage the trans community to have this deceptive behavior. It did nothing to promote the acceptance of transsexuality, but only marginalized trans people by putting fears into the minds of people not attracted to trans people. Not all trans people want to be shady, entitled, selfish deceptive individuals, you know?
She owes an apology to the people who aren't attracted to trans people for incorrectly labeling the vast majority of us as "transphobic." People can't help what they're attracted to, which means, it shouldn't bother you that someone wouldn't be attracted to trans. So don't deceive someone into thinking your something that you are not just to find love.
You can't force love or acceptance through deception.
