Dating culture has come a long way in the last fifty years, and I don't mean that in a good way. We have gone from men walking up to the doors and meeting our parents at the start of a date to guys honking the horn our front and expecting us to come outside.
We have come from long relationships that have milestones and are special, to one-night stands and not even remembering your partner's name the next day.
We have gone from guys bringing flowers just because to guys bringing flowers just because they messed up.
We've gone from the man leading and the woman following, playing her part as care-taker to women being strictly independent, not needing any man to tell her what to do.
This needs to change.
Now, before people get offended and start yelling at me about "feminism" and women's rights and how they can take care of themselves, that's not what I mean. Of course women can be independent and more power to you for being so secure in yourself, ladies. Here's all I'm saying: just because a man buys you flowers, or wants to lead in the relationship, that does not mean he is looking down on you. That's just what a man is supposed to do!
Now, I'm going to be honest that I'm a bit confused. Women don't want men to look down at them and are so much in this 'I don't need no man' mindset, yet I see so many women settling! They're having meaningless one-night stands, staying in abusive relationships, staying with a guy who just treats you horribly (though, not abusively). So if you're viewing yourself more highly, how can you look at the relationship you're in and not see how that's dragging you down?
You don't want men to look down at you, but, honey, I kinda am (no judgment). When I see someone in a bad relationship where I can clearly see an out, my heart breaks for them, yearning for them to break free.
As the beautiful and powerful women that we are, we need to step back into a "No Scrubs" mindset, instead of wherever we are now. We need to let TLC talk to us and really take their advice.
"No, I don't want your number /
No, I don't wanna give you mine /
No, I don't want no scrub /
A scrub is a guy who can't get no love from me /
Hangin' out the passenger side /
Of his best friend's ride /
Tryna holla at me"
This is great advice of the treatment that we should NOT take. If a weird guy just comes and asks for your number, don't give it to him! Don't take his number! If a guy is catcallin' you, or wolf whistles at you out of the car window, pay no attention, sister! You are better than that.
They continue on to tell us:
"If you don't have a car and you're walking /
Oh yes son, I'm talking to you /
If you live at home with your momma /
Oh yes son, I'm talking to you /
If you have a shorty that you don't show love /
Oh yes son, I'm talking to you."
Again, good advice! A few kinds of guys you should avoid: guys without cars who are slumping off of other people, guys who still live with their parents, guys who are IN A RELATIONSHIP that don't respect their partner by flirting with you!!!
You deserve better, sis.
Please don't just give out because some guy hits on you and you're bored. Know that you are worth so much more than that. You deserve a guy who is going to cherish you, pursue you, be loyal to you, respect you and take care of you. A man who will lead you. Don't settle for just a scrub.
Wait for a real man.