During the course of my college career thus far, it seems that the pressure to “settle down” becomes greater with each day. Whether it is through the societal views of a woman’s only goal being motherhood and marriage or being raised in an AfroLatino culture with a constant push for family, I constantly find myself in a conversation with someone about my “future.”

While some people may disagree and find my opinion appalling, I frankly don't care. I just don't feel that marriage is on my current horizon nor do I want to discuss the details of my dream wedding with you at the dinner table. I want to discuss my goals, my plans, my achievements. These are my selfish years and I have every right to use them to my advantage. I want to travel, work in places that are out of my comfort zone, expand my horizons in every way possible and I just feel that a marriage would hold me back from those things. I've been taught by some amazing role models in my life that having a family in itself is a full-time job. That being said, I strongly believe that women and men can have careers and raise children simultaneously, but in order to raise those children, you need to be available and devote the necessary time to them. And that is something I know I cannot give to a child at the moment, if at all. With the career path that I have chosen and am working towards, my job has to come first. I must be willing to drop everything in my current situation to attend to somewhere that I may be needed. Even if that somewhere is in another state. And that is a very difficult thing to do when you have to find someone to babysit your children or explain to your spouse that you're traveling again.

I would also like to pursue a higher education degree so I apologize if my want to wait to "settle down" worries you because I'm "not getting any younger" or my prime reproductive days are running out. Extreme sarcasm intended. I want to get a masters degree and possibly a doctorate and that is going to require time and dedication and let's be honest, money. Kids are expensive; weddings are expensive. College is expensive. Having student loans also makes having kids even more expensive. If I am able to also land a job that I am happy with, it will be hard to let that go while I am trying to reach my goals or climb higher up a corporate ladder. Unemployment rates are high in my generation's culture and we cannot afford to just leave a job and search for another one to chase a potential spouse across the country.

I’ll be honest, I’m also not too sure if I’m fit to be a mother. The idea of holding another human being inside of me for so long kind of makes me nauseous. I don’t know if I could handle that or if I would want that. Granted, there’s always adoption. I’m also not sure if I could have maternal instincts. I can play with children but I don’t have the patience to deal with an infant or a toddler in their terrible twos. And what if I do carry a child for nine months and I end up passing down physical or mental health problems? I would never want another child to go through some of the things I did or bring them into a world of struggle. This world is a terrible place. Think about it.

Also, the point of marriage has changed in American society. For decades marriage was meant to establish security and share the economic wealth. But in today's independent society, I can establish my own security and create my own wealth. It's not necessary to marry. Marriage is more of something that is just a union. A title, or formal agreement. You find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and you do that. I can get married at any age. There's no limit to that one. Marriage is also not a definite determination for the long term. We live in a society where over 50% of marriages now end in divorce and I'm not gonna lie-- that scares me. I don't want to pour myself out to someone and start sharing my life with them to only wake up one day and realize they don't feel the same way about me as they did when it all began. I have a choice in my life and this is how I currently feel. Maybe somewhere down the road I will change my mind but please do not harp down my throat when I say I do not want any of this nor do I see myself with this lifestyle.

Which brings me to my best reason of all, it’s my life and I really shouldn’t have to give you a reason for any of my actions or decisions.