In case you've been living under a rock or just don't have a Twitter account, you may not be aware that pollinators like the honey-bee and monarch butterfly are disappearing from our planets at alarmingly quick rates. Maybe you're sitting there thinking "OMG Jess, bees totally freak me out, who cares?" Well, Tina you uneducated cretin, pollinators are the reason you get to enjoy the double shot almond milk latte that you snap to all of your followers with #starbucksislife as the caption.
Not so funny now, huh? In case you still aren't buying it, here is a list of 7 food items you'll have to wave goodbye to if we don't do something to protect the pollinators. Spoiler alert: basic white girls are not going to like this list. Make sure you get through it all, the last 2 will leave you heartbroken!
You read that right, berries, all the fucking berries. Rasp, Blue, Straw, CRAN. Without pollinators, these little babies won't be able to grow! Think of all of the amazing smoothies we'll lose. Think of all the champagne flutes that will only hold boring champagne! Do you think your acai bowl is going to get you any likes with just some chia seeds on top? I doubt it.
To all my Whole Foods-shopping, no dairy-dieting, Almond milk-loving homies: it's time to get seriously worried. Your delicious dairy alternative could very easily become a thing of the past without pollinators carrying them what they need to grow. Even if your love for almonds is exclusive to their pairing with a Hershey bar, beware, they'll in serious danger. None of us want to settle for just some boring peanut.
This one is kind of a no brainer, but I had to add it to the list anyway just in case that rock you've been living under is also really heavy. Think of how delicious a natural sweetener like honey is, not to mention how perfect it is with some tea for a sore throat. Next time you've got a bad cough, don't forget everything bees have done to help you get over it. Sounds like maybe you owe them something in return, like maybe not killing them?
Yeah, I know. Peaches. I honestly thought we were only losing small fruit, BUT GUESS AGAIN TINA. Soft, juicy peaches. Peaches on a summer day. Peaches in your bowl of cereal. Peaches in jars from "Holes" that made you wonder why you didn't get to grow up in a time when your teacher just gave out jarred peaches to the class. All of that will become a distant memory without pollinators like the honey-bee and monarch butterfly.
Now this one may not be as convincing because not everyone likes onions, but its okay because those people are stupid and lame. I can't think of any type of cuisine that doesn't have dishes that call for onions and that really scares me. Sure, onions aren't integral (unless we're talking onion rings, and don't get me started on how upsetting losing them would be) but I don't want to live in a world where I have to find out what everything tastes like without them.
Yes. It really is the truth. Just when we got accustomed to paying for that extra side or upgrading our BLT's into BLAT's we're faced with the reality that it can all be taken away. And I know, you're like wait, if avocados are only the second to last, THEN WHAT'S WORSE?!? Wait for it...
7. Coffee (and Tea).
If you've gotten here, I just want to apologize. I know you didn't want to hear that our terrible habits on this planet are going to potentially destroy the one habit that actually keeps us from murdering each other on a daily basis, but here we are. I mean, without coffee, who even are we? I have to admit, I'm not eager to find out.
I hope that this list has officially scared the bloody shit out of you. Now that you're freaking out and ordering coffee off of Amazon in bulk, I also want to remind you that not all hope is lost! There is plenty you can do to have a positive impact on pollinators like the Honey-Bee and Monarch Butterfly and keep them pollinating our ecosystem for decades to come.