As the summer winds down, I'm being forced to accept more and more that I am entering my final year of college. Although the fact that I've made it this far while somehow still getting enough sleep and being a relatively functional human is a huge accomplishment, I'm also not able to ignore this creeping feeling of dread that comes over me whenever I think about my future plans for too long. And I can 10,000 percent attribute this dread to the fact that, as of right now, I have no clue what I'm even doing with my life.

Being a senior in college is like being a senior in high school all over again, while simultaneously being a million times better and a million times worse. On one hand, you've grown to the point where people look up to you and come to you for advice. You've made your mistakes already and gracefully (or not so gracefully) learned from them, and you've come out on the other side...alive. On the other hand, every single relative, coworker, and stranger starts asking you what you're doing after college. When you don't have an answer, it feels like the entire universe is judging you.

School hasn't even started yet and I've been getting this question for months. Four years ago when people asked me what I was doing after high school, it was easy to just say, "Oh I'm undecided about my major, I'll figure it out," and kind of just shrug it off on the outside while slowly dying on the inside. But now it's different. Because now, two majors and almost four years later, I only have 20 percent of a life plan, and apparently that's not a good enough answer to the post-grad questions. When people ask me what I'm doing after I graduate, I say I'm going to grad school; when they ask beyond that, I make a noise similar to that of a beached whale. Even when I don't get asked what I'm doing after grad school, I get a barrage of questions about whether or not what I'm studying actually is signifigant.

But here's the thing. I'm okay with not knowing what I'm doing after this. The dread I feel when facing this fact isn't due to uncertainty, it's due to how I'm made to feel because of how many people bug me about it. Here's a tip: instead of focusing on what people are going to be doing three to five years down the line, focus on what great things they're accomplishing in the here and now. Maybe that person you're pestering about being a theater major just got the lead in a show, and she's super proud of herself. Or maybe the cousin you're trying to convince to work for you just got his thesis approved and can't deal with the added stress of people pressuring him about his future. Yes it's nice to have a concrete plan at this point, but asking us over and over and sounding disappointed when you don't hear the answers you want is not going to help any college senior make up their mind any faster.

So for now, I'm going to worry about the GRE and my independent study and NOT my explicit plans post-grad school. I know I'll figure it out sooner or later, but for now I'm gonna take a deep breath and start my senior year.