Do you ever have that moment when someone asks for your favorite movie and you have plenty but can’t seem to think of one in the spur of the moment?
I have.
There’s one question, however, that we ask without thinking and answer as if we are on autopilot.
That question is “how are you?”
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people ask this question but don’t really want to know how you’re doing. I understand that it’s more of a formality - just something that we say so we can carry on with conversation and not seem rude - but it just bothers me.
When I see a friend or family member, or really anybody for that matter, I’ll ask them how they are doing but not because I want to hear them mumble those two words that we often use way too frequently... I’m fine.
When I ask someone how they are doing, it’s because I crave a genuine answer.
Too many of us want simple responses and don’t want to actually delve into conversation about mental health due to the stigma that surrounds it.
We’d rather shrug it off and say “I’m good, how are you” instead of stating how we truly feel.
Sadly, many of us either claim that we do not have time or simply do not care enough to know how our friends and family are doing.
Is it really that difficult to ask this question and expect a genuine answer?
Also, it is completely okay not to be okay. It’s part of what makes us human. Admitting that you are struggling may be difficult, but it is important to our mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing that we be honest with our emotions and how we are feeling.
If you are not doing well, reach out to a friend, family member or loved one. Don’t isolate yourself even though you might feel alone or like it’s the only way. You are not alone.
Your thoughts - no matter how crazy or absurd they might feel - are your own and deserve to be felt.
Feel those feelings. Be honest with the way that you react to the situations that you encounter. Try not to sugarcoat how you feel. This is harder that it seems, trust me. I know. I’ve spent my whole life convincing other people that I’ve always been happy because I’m rarely seen without a smile.
It took a nasty bout of depression and a hospital stay to help me realize that even though I’m a naturally optimistic individual, I am not always happy. And that is totally okay.
It is imperative that we support one another and check in with loved ones to see how they are doing.
Remind them that you are there for them through good times and through the rough patches too.
Be a shoulder to cry on and offer a hand to hold. Trust that if they are a good friend, they will offer you the same support when you are accomplishing great things or when you find that you are struggling.
Friends and family help lift one another up, so do just that.
Call up a friend or that aunt you’ve been meaning to catch up with. Share how you’re doing, but also make sure to check in on them. Sure, ask them about what they’ve been up to, but remember that it’s equally, if not more, important to ask how they are feeling. Asking shows them that you care and are passionate about their well being.
Asking this question may seem like nothing more than a formality, but it is one that we need to be asking more frequently and not just to ask out of courtesy. We need to understand and have compassion for our fellow human beings.
This is the only way that we will truly be able to grow as a society.
