I go on FaceBook and the first thing I see is a friend who graduated shortly before me posting another picture of her new baby. Like photo. Scroll down a bit to see someone from my class in high school announcing her pregnancy. Comment my congratulations. A few cooking videos and cat posts later, and I see my old coworker posting the first photo of her newborn. Leave a heart. I'm not even 21 yet; I thought I'd be able to make it at least a couple more years before the marriage proposals, weddings, pregnancy announcements, and newborns filled up my social media, but half of my Facebook is baby posts, and most of the posts are from people all within a couple years of my age. And although every time I like, comment, and express my joy for said person, I can only ever think one thing, "Man, I really don't want kids."

Now, this is becoming something more acceptable today than it was 100 years ago, but many people still think of it as a foreign concept for a woman to not want to have kids. Doesn't a woman spend her whole life preparing for that one great moment where she can become a mother? Well, no actually, women don't spend all their time waiting for that. Some might, but not every one does, and it doesn't make a person less or more of a woman to have children or not. Some people don't want kids, and that's okay.

I don't dislike children. Kids are pretty cute, and they can also be pretty cool, but in the I want to admire your cuteness from afar/play with your hair or play video games on the floor for a few hours/eat pizza with you kind of way, not in the I want to listen to you cry and spend an hour putting you to bed kind of way. Kids are cool to like hang out with, but when it comes to actually taking care of them? Not my cup of tea. I think as a female I was supposed to be born with some kind of "maternal instinct" that people keep talking about, but I'm pretty sure that gene missed me. You want to watch TV for 8 hours til 2 am? Sounds cool. Pizza for breakfast? Yeah, that's healthy. Oh, you're jumping on the glass table? Rock on. And don't get me started on babies.

When people hand me babies I just kind of whisper "don't" softly like that guy from The Office, which I've never seen but is in the gif that's always floating around. I am the most awkward human being when it comes to holding infants. How do my hands go? The hand goes under the head somewhere because they're like actual rag dolls that just flop around if you don't hold it right. Is it comfy? Or more importantly safe? I'm pretty sure it'll just like fall apart if I hold it wrong, so I just sit really rigidly until someone takes it from me. What if it cries? The game is over then. Take your child back.

Now, I'm sure that if I really wanted kids, I could get over my extreme awkwardness and uncomfortableness with children to have my own (or to be a functioning member of society anywhere that involves a human being under age 10), but honestly, children aren't part of my larger picture. I wrote an article a couple weeks back about how I don't want a boyfriend (see the pattern arising?), and there are similar reasons for why I don't want kids.

I'm a young college student with my whole life ahead of me. I want to finish my studies. I want to travel. I want to put myself first. I want to make decisions for myself and not worry about always having to include someone else or about how my decisions will impact someone directly. If I want to go somewhere or buy something, I don't want to have a child in the midst of that. To me, children are something to tie you down, and the thought of that makes me unhappy. There are plenty of people who disagree and believe children are something that open you up and allow you to fly to new places, and that's amazing for them. Have kids for yourself, but I just don't see it that way.

To me, children are something you need to dedicate all your time to. If you're going to have kids, you have to be extremely selfless and always willing to put your children above everyone else, including yourself. Your kids always come first, and that is something I firmly believe, but it is something I am unwilling to do, which is why I know having children is not for me.

In 5 or 10 or 15 years, my thoughts might change. I may decide one day that I really want kids, but from when I was a little girl, I never obsessed about having a family. When I played with dolls, they almost never had children. I rarely played with baby dolls; I found them boring. I used to play "real people" instead, which would be when I pretended to have a career of my choice and focus on being a business woman or a doctor or a teacher, etc. I've always been goal oriented and self focused. Kids have honestly never been a part of the picture.

The thought of having a family makes me unhappy and makes me feel caged in, and I can honestly say I really don't want kids. The idea makes me uncomfortable. However, I am completely comfortable with the idea that I don't want them. I'm comfortable in my decision, and I'm comfortable with the idea that this may change. I think the most important part is understanding that just because someone doesn't want kids, it doesn't make them less than a mother. Not only is that stereotypical, but it takes away from women who desperately want to have kids and can't. Not being able to be a mother or not wanting to be a mother does not make you less of a woman or a person.

So, while the little guys and girls of the world can be pretty cool at times and may be fun to hang out with a time or two, I think I'll save the Mary Poppins' duties for someone else.