If you were to ask me before entering college if I thought that “cliques” were not as common as they were in high school, I’d tell you that there are far less cliques in college than in high school.
There is no “generic lunch room” set up of the cool kids sitting at one table and the jocks sitting at another alongside the nerds, then a table full of the semi-popular girls, the “wanna be” jocks, the “pot heads,” and so forth.
Aside from the educational aspect of college, I was really looking forward to a somewhat open social scene, a fresh start. However, to my dismay, I was completely wrong. Cliques in my high school were an absolute epidemic. “Perhaps,” I thought, “this new, social setting was going to be a place where these massively, exclusive groups didn’t form.” And boy, I was wrong…
To my disappointment, after arriving to college, I’d been seeing these “groups” forming quicker than I could even think. Soon, I too, had succumbed to the clique stereotype. I tried to find my way into one and met all sorts of different people, but never truly felt I was a “piece to the puzzle” in any given group.
Now, I’m not going to lie and say that I wasn’t upset about not having a “group." However, I decide to look at the “glass half full”. My disappointment drove me to do some soul searching and, with that, I found that the reason that I didn’t love my “clique” in high school was because, maybe, they’re just not for me.
Slowly but surely, as I spoke to a handful of different friends of mine, I asked them how they felt, and they too agreed about the rampant groups throughout campus. So if you too are in my shoes, here are some tips!
1. Cliques are not what you think they’d be.
Though it may look as if someone is in a tight knit group, you may be wrong. Much of what goes on within these groups is catty behavior. It’s not always unicorns and rainbows. Commonly, there are cliques within the groups that form, leading to even more exclusivity.
2. When in doubt, screw the girls; there will always be guys.
Throughout time, and now especially, I’ve found that sometimes it's more fun to be “one of the guys.” They’re much more laid back, carefree and non-judgmental. And hey, sometimes they’re even fun to look at.
3. “Three strikes and you’re out.”
Don’t over exert yourself when reaching out to people. Give someone three chances. If people want to cultivate a relationship with you, I’ve learned that they will. If you’re important enough to them, they will make time for you. “I’m too busy” is simply not a valid excuse. Relationships should be reciprocated. It’s not worth your time to keep trying with people who don’t try with you.
4. Embrace the Independence.
One of the most admirable things you can do is learn that you don’t need to depend on others to do anything. Having the courage to stand alone is far braver than the courage to depend on the group around you. Plus, you don’t need half a dozen opinions when deciding to do something… if you want to do something, you can do it!
5. Quality > quantity.
Find a few good, genuine friends, even if they’re scattered across different friend groups. It’s far better to have a true sense of friendship with a few people than a poor and facetious sense of friendship with a large amount of people.
And here I conclude to say: if you’re anything like me, and thrive not to be in a “cliquey” social setting, then kudos to you. If someone doesn’t want you in their “Spice Girls” pop group, then it’s their loss. I’m sure they’re missing out.
