I interviewed the bouncers at Maggie’s, and honestly, I could not have prepared myself for what I heard. I can only share and reflect on bits and pieces, in part because I am fairly sure most of what they had to say is illegal, but more importantly because I would like to have a job in the future. Who knows, maybe I'll find one at Maggie’s, but I don’t think I would be able to hang. I actually asked the other day when one of the bouncers was my Uber driver, but to my dismay, they are not hiring.
A little background on me: at Maggie’s, the bouncers know me as “Big Ass Head.” I would argue that my head is not unusually large, but that’s an issue that I will bring up in a more private setting. From an outsider’s perspective, I do not know what a Jewish girl from New York City could possibly have in common with these men, but I feel as if we are one in the same. No, but seriously, I actually really enjoy their company. Don’t ask me why -- I’ll just blame it on something from my childhood.
My parents are not going to be pleased if they read this article, so viewer’s discretion is advised. Not actually. It's like nothing you have seen on "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit," but there has been a lot of sex and even more drinking. When I asked the bouncers (who will remain nameless) the craziest thing that they have witnessed in their years working at Maggie’s, they were more than reluctant to answer. However, some of them were willing to share stories. Their language is very heavily censored because I can assure you this article would not have been published if it weren't. From a legal standpoint (hi, Dad), I have to add that the following does not reflect on Emory students as a whole, only a select few, nor are there any illegal shenanigans going on. But things happen at college bars -- what can I say?
When I spoke to the bouncers, they were nervous to share. One bouncer reflected on a time when he escorted a belligerently drunk man out, only to watch him poop himself. Things of this nature seem to happen somewhat frequently. Many bouncers shared their hatred for cleaning pee or vomit off of the floor. Another bouncer, who had a brief and self-proclaimed lustfull relationship with an Emory student, mentioned that he has been punched on several occasions as collateral damage in brawls. I have witnessed bouncers pulling kids out by their hair, or even their ears. These kids absolutely deserved what was given to them and this one kid's ears were so big -- like Obama big -- he was essentially asking for it.
It takes a certain kind of finesse to deal with drunk people when you are sober. These bouncers are experts in social engineering: they know how to make drunk college kids (who are of age, of course) do what they want. They know exactly how to reason with stupid, drunk people. This skill comes with time and experience. If someone is acting inappropriately, they learn to use the appropriate amount of force to kick him out. Some guard the door, rejecting obviously fake IDs and boys who look like they are freshmen in high school, and others watch over the patrons.
I promise you'll have fun if you ditch your friends and hang out with the bouncers. They're a great time.
