Thanksgiving is right around the corner. A handful of holidays will follow. People will come together and travel far and wide to be with friends and family. Gifts will be given. Food will be shared. Inevitably, a fight or two and some drama here or there will arise. And of course, many of us will reflect on the year-- some happily, others sadly and if you’re John Oliver, you’ll give 2016 a big “f*ck you!”

Resolutions may arise and conclusions and lessons learned may follow, but regardless of how you look at the year, I want to take the spotlight away from mistakes, regrets, joys, successes, missed connections and opportunities and put it on being kind.

Being kind is an empowering act in a sometimes cruel world. When I talk about kindness, I like to separate it from niceness even if a thesaurus begs to differ. When you are nice to someone, you are behaving acceptably and politely. But when you are being kind, there is an intention of being thoughtful and compassionate. Your energy and action is directed and therefore also felt by another person.

You’re nice if you hold the door for the person behind you, but you are being kind if you and another person are heading for the same door and instead of you walking through first, you hold it open for them. You’re nice if you pass someone you know and ask how they are, but you are kind if you stop and listen to their response. Behind niceness is agreeableness and accordance with social correctness. Behind kindness is compassion and the decisiveness to love and care for others. Kindness is the socially unexpected, surprise version of niceness as it may not be the status quo.

I consider the classic example of the difference as "I'm sorry" vs. "thank you".

"I'm sorry" comes from a place of guilt, anxiety and inadequacy as does niceness. It is nice to hear an "I'm sorry for this or that," when you accidentally collide with someone or are in their way, but a thank you goes much farther. A "thank you" is an effective way of communicating appreciation. While I know that niceness and "I'm sorry's" can be appropriate, kindness makes a better statement.

How do I practice kindness?

Previously, I subscribed to niceness in order to appease others and boost my own ego. It felt easier than thinking about my actions. Today, I know that when I am kind, I strengthen another person’s confidence and faith while also being comfortable with myself. I think to myself-- “how can I best approach this person so I hold true to myself and I do not compromise my feelings towards them?” and typically the answer is through kindness.

I am genuine and honest when I am showing someone that I care. To keep up with kindness, I make mental and material notes of what is going on in another person’s life so I remember to check in and touch-base. I schedule my time with other people with the intention of being fully present and giving quality time instead of half-a**ed conversation and attempts at connection. I know my limits so I don’t go overboard and end up being too exhausted to be kind. Like meditation or going to the gym, it is a habit I enjoy developing and nurturing.

I think before I act so that I can live without regret. We all win when we choose kindness.

I learned that kindness only works towards others when we are also kind to ourselves. Because kindness is a rarer gem than niceness, it can be preserved. When we treat ourselves with kindness by paying attention to our needs, we can better extend kindness towards others.

I call for kindness because I believe it can change someone’s day. I know that there is a stronger feeling of connection and inclusiveness when people experience kindness between one another.