Nice Guys Finish Last Because It's Nice To Have Standards

Nice Guys Finish Last Because It's Nice To Have Standards

No more Mr. Nice Guy.
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Nice guys have heard this grating phrase with patient ears before: you're a really nice guy. "Really" and "nice," a double superlative just for me? I know sarcasm isn't so nice but some might argue that it's the nicest sense of humor you could have. It's hard to gauge where someone's intentions lie and from a nice guy's perspective, it all seems lost on others he tries to connect with.

Nice is an adjective, passive in meaning. It's a sincere way of saying that you're a pushover, but the best kind of pushover. You're a human coat rack and the only thought you have is how helpful you're being holding up all those coats when the owners return and eventually come back for more help. Being nice doesn't help you, nor should it if you are being genuine.

Nice means being selfless. Granted the guy is being nice, it is not without his reasons. These reasons are inclusive, for both himself and whoever he is being nice to. There are no expectations except to be nice and nice in return. Nice means being kind. Nice means having standards.

I'm a nice guy, I always have been, and I don't plan on changing that. What sets me apart from the stereotype however is that I don't live with the expectation that people will reciprocate my kindness. I don't have the hopeless romantic mentality when I find out I'm in the exclusive club known as the friend zone.

Do I get offended when people are unkind or characterize and use me as the expendable "nice guy?" Yes, it hurts me to know people care only enough to get what they want or to make me another bullet point on their résumé. One thing that's saved me from many headaches and heartaches over time is this: I can control me.

I can still be nice even though the day isn't going to be. I choose not to let anyone steal my joy but that choice doesn't come from a selfish place. There are nice guys, the ones who are kind and unassuming.

Then there are Nice Guys, the ones who only measure out their kindness and behave enough to show you that they are capable of being an understanding, agreeable human being to achieve their desires through you, not with you.

Nice Guys give nice guys a bad name. I'm more of a middling nice guy, I don't blow over in the wind but I won't yell up a storm either. If you ask me a question, I will give an honest answer.

Not every nice guy is blissfully ignorant of the founded and unfounded cruelty in the world. We're not doormats for the mud you track, we're doors that close as easily as they open.

It's nice to be nice but if there is no self-worth, if there is any self-interest, then you're not being nice to yourself and you're not being nice to others for the right reasons.

People call him a nice guy to establish immediate and short-lived rapport for when it is convenient for them. Nice guys are acknowledged for what they are, not who they are. Nice isn't a commodity, it's a rarity, and when you have it, do not spare it too much or spend it too little. Just be nice, guys.


Nice is a quality that's less artificial than a charm or flirt and more natural than workplace decorum. Show how nice you could and should be, not how nice you would be.

Cover Image Credit: Spencer Selover

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An Open Letter To Democrats From A Millennial Republican

Why being a Republican doesn't mean I'm inhuman.
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Dear Democrats,

I have a few things to say to you — all of you.

You probably don't know me. But you think you do. Because I am a Republican.

Gasp. Shock. Horror. The usual. I know it all. I hear it every time I come out of the conservative closet here at my liberal arts university.

SEE ALSO: What I Mean When I Say I'm A Young Republican

“You're a Republican?" people ask, saying the word in the same tone that Draco Malfoy says “Mudblood."

I know that not all Democrats feel about Republicans this way. Honestly, I can't even say for certain that most of them do. But in my experience, saying you're a Republican on a liberal college campus has the same effect as telling someone you're a child molester.

You see, in this day and age, with leaders of the Republican Party standing up and spouting unfortunately ridiculous phrases like “build a wall," and standing next to Kim Davis in Kentucky after her release, we Republicans are given an extreme stereotype. If you're a Republican, you're a bigot. You don't believe in marriage equality. You don't believe in racial equality. You don't believe in a woman's right to choose. You're extremely religious and want to impose it on everyone else.

Unfortunately, stereotypes are rooted in truth. There are some people out there who really do think these things and feel this way. And it makes me mad. The far right is so far right that they make the rest of us look bad. They make sure we aren't heard. Plenty of us are fed up with their theatrics and extremism.

For those of us brave enough to wear the title “Republican" in this day and age, as millennials, it's different. Many of us don't agree with these brash ideas. I'd even go as far as to say that most of us don't feel this way.

For me personally, being a Republican doesn't even mean that I automatically vote red.

When people ask me to describe my political views, I usually put it pretty simply. “Conservative, but with liberal social views."

“Oh," they say, “so you're a libertarian."

“Sure," I say. But that's the thing. I'm not really a libertarian.

Here's what I believe:

I believe in marriage equality. I believe in feminism. I believe in racial equality. I don't want to defund Planned Parenthood. I believe in birth control. I believe in a woman's right to choose. I believe in welfare. I believe more funds should be allocated to the public school system.

Then what's the problem? Obviously, I'm a Democrat then, right?

Wrong. Because I have other beliefs too.

Yes, I believe in the right to choose — but I'd always hope that unless a pregnancy would result in the bodily harm of the woman, that she would choose life. I believe in welfare, but I also believe that our current system is broken — there are people who don't need it receiving it, and others who need it that cannot access it.

I believe in capitalism. I believe in the right to keep and bear arms, because I believe we have a people crisis on our hands, not a gun crisis. Contrary to popular opinion, I do believe in science. I don't believe in charter schools. I believe in privatizing as many things as possible. I don't believe in Obamacare.

Obviously, there are other topics on the table. But, generally speaking, these are the types of things we millennial Republicans get flack for. And while it is OK to disagree on political beliefs, and even healthy, it is NOT OK to make snap judgments about me as a person. Identifying as a Republican does not mean I am the same as Donald Trump.

Just because I am a Republican, does not mean you know everything about me. That does not give you the right to make assumptions about who I am as a person. It is not OK for you to group me with my stereotype or condemn me for what I feel and believe. And for a party that prides itself on being so open-minded, it shocks me that many of you would be so judgmental.

So I ask you to please, please, please reexamine how you view Republicans. Chances are, you're missing some extremely important details. If you only hang out with people who belong to your own party, chances are you're missing out on great people. Because, despite what everyone believes, we are not our stereotype.

Sincerely,

A millennial Republican

Cover Image Credit: NEWSWORK.ORG

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Why The Idea Of 'No Politics At The Dinner Table' Takes Place And Why We Should Avoid It

When did having a dialogue become so rare?

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Why has the art of civilized debate and conversation become unheard of in daily life? Why is it considered impolite to talk politics with coworkers and friends? Expressing ideas and discussing different opinions should not be looked down upon.

I have a few ideas as to why this is our current societal norm.

1. Politics is personal.

Your politics can reveal a lot about who you are. Expressing these (sometimes controversial) opinions may put you in a vulnerable position. It is possible for people to draw unfair conclusions from one viewpoint you hold. This fosters a fear of judgment when it comes to our political beliefs.

Regardless of where you lie on the spectrum of political belief, there is a world of assumption that goes along with any opinion. People have a growing concern that others won't hear them out based on one belief.

As if a single opinion could tell you all that you should know about someone. Do your political opinions reflect who you are as a person? Does it reflect your hobbies? Your past?

The question becomes "are your politics indicative enough of who you are as a person to warrant a complete judgment?"

Personally, I do not think you would even scratch the surface of who I am just from knowing my political identification.

2. People are impolite.

The politics themselves are not impolite. But many people who wield passionate, political opinion act impolite and rude when it comes to those who disagree.

The avoidance of this topic among friends, family, acquaintances and just in general, is out of a desire to 'keep the peace'. Many people have friends who disagree with them and even family who disagree with them. We justify our silence out of a desire to avoid unpleasant situations.

I will offer this: It might even be better to argue with the ones you love and care about, because they already know who you are aside from your politics, and they love you unconditionally (or at least I would hope).

We should be having these unpleasant conversations. And you know what? They don't even need to be unpleasant! Shouldn't we be capable of debating in a civilized manner? Can't we find common ground?

I attribute the loss of political conversation in daily life to these factors. 'Keeping the peace' isn't an excuse. We should be discussing our opinions constantly and we should be discussing them with those who think differently.

Instead of discouraging political conversation, we should be encouraging kindness and understanding. That's how we will avoid the unpleasantness that these conversations sometimes bring.

By avoiding them altogether, we are doing our youth a disservice because they are not being exposed to government, law, and politics, and they are not learning to deal with people and ideas that they don't agree with.

Next Thanksgiving, talk politics at the table.

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