You're different from all the other boys.

You, lonely heterosexual adolescent male, practically have the whole package. You're smart, kind, and important, just like that black lady from "The Help" said. But somehow, you just can't get the ladies.

You've definitely got the looks. You took a Facebook quiz last week that said your celebrity look alike is Ryan Gosling. Besides, girls shouldn't really care too much about looks; that's shallow.

So why are all the hot girls in your English Lit class ignoring your flirtations? Why can't you get a text back? How are you still single?

There's can only be one plausible explanation:

You're just too nice.

That's you. Mr. Nice Guy. A regular Ron Stoppable. And girls just... don't like Nice Guys. Girls don't like guys who treat them with respect or kindness. Everyone knows that. They'll always go for the asshole in the end. So typical, right?

But hold on a moment. Maybe that's not quite right. Don't be so quick to diagnose yourself. That's practically a death sentence to your sex life. In recent studies, I, along with many other women, have found that many boys who proclaim to be "Nice Guys" are anything but.

Here are 10 surefire signs and symptoms indicating that you, lonely heterosexual adolescent male, are not a Nice Guy after all:

1. You view catcalling as compliments.

What, you don't think women exist for your viewing pleasure? Are you sure you're feeling okay? Yes, catcalling is inherently dehumanizing; that's why it's for women. All real men know that. If you always have the pressing urge to violently yell "Lemme get a piece of that ass," then don't worry. You are not afflicted with the Nice Guy syndrome.

2. You believe buying a girl a drink promises sexual favors.

Every real man knows that buying a girl a drink does equates to buying a woman's affections, right? A dangerous symptom of Nice Guy behavior is not expecting sexual favors after every kind deed. I can't stress this enough, the disease is catastrophic.

3. You use the term "Feminazi".

You don't consider yourself a feminist, do you? Of course not. Thank your lucky stars. If you think that Feminazi is a derogatory term and that it doesn't make sense (because feminism stands for equal rights between the sexes and Nazism is associated with antisemitism and white-supremacy), then you may be a Nice Guy, and therefore a respectable man. But I assure you, such cases are rare.

4. You have confederate flag on your truck featured on your Tinder profile.

Usually accompanied with a picture of you holding up two dead trout and a severed deer head, but I digress.

5. You send unsolicited dick pics.

What, you ask for a girl's Snapchat just to send pictures of your cat? God forbid, no. If you know that every girl wants to see a picture of your manhood (#nofilter) whether you just met or not, then you're definitely not a Mr. Nice Guy. Ain't that a relief?

6. You address women as "females."

I'm just telling you the facts here.

7. You regularly tweet #notallmen and own a Meninist T-shirt.

After all, just because we live in a patriarchal society where women are expected to adhere to generalized norms set by the male gaze, does that mean that we don't have feelings? Reverse sexism, anyone? Basically misandry. What, you think women deserve to be heard? Preposterous. Maybe you are a Nice Guy. You and Freud need to have a long talk. Have you heard the term "penis envy?"

8. You feel like women who wear makeup are lying.

Remember that man who sued his wife because she wasn't pretty enough for him without makeup? Not divorced. Sued. He really had something there. If you think that woman are held to an unrealistic standard, then I am worried for you. A Nice Guy symptom is delirium; I hope you recover.

9. You complain about being "Friendzoned" at least twice a day.

Thrice, if you're a true alpha male. It's not like women could just not be sexually interested you immediately and need to get to know you. What is this "Harry Met Sally?" Of course a girl is lying when she says "I love you like a brother."

10. You believe that a woman's "slutty" actions invite male harassment.

I mean, you're not saying she deserved it or anything. You just know that a girl shouldn't wear a top that low cut if she's not asking for anything. Trust me, if you hold that sentiment, you are in no way, shape, or form a Nice Guy.I don't know why you were so worried in the first place.

There is a widely distributed myth in modern thinking that needs to be debunked immediately. Being a Nice Guy is not the reason why a girl doesn't like you. It's not an affliction. It's not a disease. Moreover, niceties don't ensure sex. Not sure what you were expecting after you held the door for me other than a smile and a thank you. If you're only kind to women because of what you can get from them, you aren't kind at all. If fact, that's asshole behavior. Perhaps that's the reason you're finishing last.