New York City. Manhattan. The Big Apple. Whatever you call it, it is the home of 8 million people, the fashion capital of the world and an enormous cultural center. Each year, people flee to this city to begin a new journey of their lives, and amongst those people are a good percentage of college students. More than half a million people in New York City are students that are attending a college or university. Now ask yourself, why the f*** would they do that? Out of all the places to go for higher education, they choose New York freakin' City?!
Manhattan is the worst place to go to college, and let me convince you why it is so:
1. You walk out of class and you're no longer on campus.
When you're on a huge campus in the middle of nowhere with 10's of thousands of people, you barely ever get out and away from campus-life. Your campus becomes your own bubble. And come on, who wouldn't want that?! I would hate to walk outside of my 9:05 a.m. class and be at the MET, or Washington Square Park, or shopping on 5th Avenue. I only want to be surrounded by fellow students and professors 24/7.
New York City is as if the whole world was summarized into an island in the Atlantic. But let's be real, who the hell wants to be surrounded by all kinds of people?! I want to only be friends with like-minded individuals who grew up just like me. But when you're in New York, you're around people from all different backgrounds, cultures and even countries. You may even learn new opinions and perspectives and may actually become -- god forbid -- a little more open minded! With people from different cultures, you may gain insight into a new world. No, thank you. I like my world as it is. Am I right? I'm right.
3. Night life.
There's never any peace and quiet on New York City streets. You can be walking at midnight on a Tuesday and still be surrounded by people having fun. There are thousands of bars and clubs, several in only one block radius. How can you even pick which one to go to? You'd probably have to go to a different one every weekend and that's a lot of work. On top of it, they don't even close 'til around 4 or 5 a.m. Who in their right mind wants to have fun until that late?
In New York, there is culture everywhere, which accurately reflects the size and ethnic diversity. From broadway shows to museums to concerts to sports games. Chinatown to Little Italy -- what about little America? We live in this country, not in France or Mexico.
5. It's just concrete everywhere.
6. Subways suck.
Subways are the glue to New York City. They are running 24/7, and are filled with all kinds of people from businesspeople to the homeless, little kids coming home from elementary school to the elderly grocery shopping. How boring. And plus, how are you supposed to navigate yourself on them? It's not like there are maps or smartphones that can help!
With over 24,000 restaurants and a McDonald's or Chipotle in walking radius no matter where you are, the food options are limitless. Imagine if you were able to eat the best pizza and bagels everyday? That means living in Manhattan would ruin the special times of coming home from college and eating real food that doesn't taste like cardboard.
Places are always open. You want milk at 2 a.m.? Got the munchies? Walk two blocks to the 24/7 CVS or Duane Reade. Want to work out? There are plenty of gyms around you that never close. Subways are 24/7. Bodegas are 24/7. New York City students are so spoiled and their sleep schedules are so off.
9. No designated drivers.
You and all of your friends can go from downtown to uptown while completely shitfaced. Subways are running 24/7, and even if it's delayed, or it's raining or you just don't feel like going on one, there are cabs everywhere and you can Uber everywhere. But come on! Don't you just love being the sober designated driver while all your friends are having fun?! New York City college students will never feel the rush of panicking about how the hell they will get back to their dorms.
10. Talk Shows.
Wanna see Jimmy Fallon or "The View"? How about stopping by the "Today Show" or "Good Morning America"? College kids in Manhattan just ruin the mystery of live TV by constantly getting tickets to see these shows.
Ugh, imagine running into Gigi Hadid or Kendall Jenner? Those celebrities are literally the worst, thinking they own the place. I see them on billboards and on TV, I don't need to see them in person.
Want to wear red lipstick to class? Want to wear funky shoes? No one in this city will judge you. And honestly, that's not a good thing. Keep it simple. Don't express your uniqueness.
13. Get a head start in adulthood.
Internships and job opportunities are literally endless for any career path. You have to manage your time since you probably have to take a subway to class. You have to manage your money if you don't have a meal plan. You go to bars and party with people of all ages. You are constantly socializing with people who aren't like you, people who aren't college students. When you go to a "real" college, you are in a college bubble, only talking to fellow students who go to the same school as you. People in "real" colleges are in social bubbles, spending four years having fun. People who go to school in Manhattan are living like young adults, preparing themselves for the real world, and who wants that?!
*To my fellow New York college students, we learn more from walking on the streets than sitting in a classroom. We are ready for whatever the world is willing to throw at us since we're already in the real world. New York college students are by far the most ambitious group of young adults I have ever encountered. Furthermore, we are the best at balancing partying and having fun with studying and working hard. Once we graduate college, we will have the easiest transition to adulthood. And we will know how to make the most of this real world.
*PSA: this is for satirical effect. I do not mean to offend anyone. Of course, NYC is not for everyone. It's only for the best. *dancing woman in red dress emoji*