"New year, new me." This is something you'll hear a million people say as 2015 comes to an end and we get ready to embrace all that 2016 has to offer. Everyone sees the beginning of a new year as a time to reinvent themselves, but how many people really succeed in actually doing that? Sure, we all make resolutions, but some of them are just bound to fail. So really, if you make any of the following resolutions, it's not completely your fault if it doesn't last.
1. New Year Health Kick
Everyone and their mother has made the resolution to be healthier in the new year, and sure you may succeed for the first couple of days, and hey, maybe even the first couple of weeks, but at some point it just goes downhill. It starts with a tiny piece of cake and a skipped workout day, and then before you know it you're covered in chocolate wondering what exercise even is; it happens to the best of us, don't sweat it (literally).
2. Prohibition
With that last glass of champagne, you toast in the new year with a promise to give up alcohol. You tell yourself you don't need it, it's not like it even tastes good, right? And for a little while you feel good about your resolution- until withdrawal sets in, that is. You eventually realize that you need alcohol to justify all of the stupid things you do, and thus your resolution comes to a drunken end. On the upside, it's not alcoholism until after you graduate college.
3. No More Procrastination
This resolution is never going to last long; procrastination is just a part of who you are and unless you're extremely dedicated to changing this fact, it's not going to work. So while you'll start out the year finishing an essay a week before it's due, you'll find yourself struggling to finish three essays and two projects by the end of the semester, with this resolution being nothing but a memory.
4. Spend Less Money
If you're a habitual online shopper like me, you know this resolution is a lie as soon as you say it. Maybe you'll last a week, but you'll soon find a dress you can't resist or a pair of shoes you would give up your firstborn child for, and your wallet is empty before you can even blink.
5. Get A Job
Since the whole spend-less-money thing will never work out, you vow to get a job in the new year. But then you realize that a symptom of college life is being allergic to responsibility, and so this resolution dies on the spot.
6. Get More Sleep
...then you remember you're a college student and that sleep is for the weak.
7. Be Nicer To People
You really try to keep this resolution going but as soon as someone cuts you off or forgets to hold the door open, you're reminded of how many a**holes there are in the world and figure that adding one more to the count won't hurt anyone.
To anyone out there who actually succeeds in keeping any of these resolutions - kudos to you. But for all of us mere mortals out there, it's impossible. Just look at it this way, you've survived this long without fulfilling these resolutions, so who needs 'em anyway?
