With the new year closely approaching, I'm trying to take the time to really reflect on all the things that I gained and lost this year. While 2018 was not exactly how I wanted it to go, I learned a lot about myself and others around me. However, 2018 was not without hard decisions, heartache, or suffering and I want my 2019 to be a year of simply loving and hoping interlaced with real progress.

I was on my way home from work this week and I popped a listen to a podcast on Spotify called "Kalyn's Coffee Talk" where Kalyn Nicholson has lately started talking about how there are four lessons to learn when letting go of things in your life that no longer serve you. One particular thing that she said that really hit home to me (and inspired this article) was that "Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional and it's important to know the distinction."

The quote itself is not original and has been used quite a bit but the way she talks about how aware you need to be when making tough decisions hits home. This year was full of tough decisions that all took a real toll on my mental sanity. Between figuring out where I wanted to go after residency and letting go of some friendships that did not work, I felt that I was always at the crossroads of pain with suffering not too far behind. But I never really thought too much about how all I needed to do was make decisions without having to agonize over the little implications behind it. My new year should be one where if I do encounter pain, I can deal with it adequately.

With every undesirable scenario, there are some good things that came out of this year. I made new friends and forged new relationships. I strengthened the ones I care for and gained perspective on the ones that I let fade away. All of which was not possible had I not suffered through some tough things. If I could go back in time and tell myself that everything would work out, I totally would. However, it is truly the uncertainty of each situation that made the reward all that more sweeter.

In the new year, I hope to continue to grow and develop into this new adult world (adulting is still so new to me). I want 2019 to just be a year of good, wholesome, and generous for not just myself but for everyone in my life. 2018 was a big year (for many of us) of violence, death, sadness, and grief but all of those things that we collectively suffered should balance out in the new year. My resolution for all of us, including myself, is to be open to all the possibilities even when sometimes we don't want to. That way when good things come out of bad situations, it will at least be a pleasant surprise.