It is that time of year again; the time when everyone declares that this is the time for their big change, the time for a new personality or new look to improve their lives. The only issue with this is, why does it have to be now and for what reason are you declaring this change? Is the declaration for yourself or because you think that is what is needed for a certain experience to be taken from your history? Deciding to make an important change in your life needs to be for the benefit of your happiness and never for the possibility of forgetting.

If you are one of the many making the bold choice for a new personality during this New Year, make sure you are doing it for the right reason. If you feel like a change in who you are is necessary for your happiness, then by all means do whatever it is that you need. Color your hair, cut your hair, buy new clothes, start saying yes, start saying no, make it a point to smile more or laugh more, or just let yourself be free. Any change that makes you feel more comfortable in your own body is a good one, no matter what anyone says. But there is a very thin line between changing for yourself and changing yourself for someone else.

So, many make the mistake of believing that making the change in their own person will help eliminate the negative emotions attached to someone else and the memories tied to them. I’m sorry to say that this is never the solution. Cutting your hair will not make the sadness go away or erase the feeling of guilt from your stomach, but allowing yourself to feel the emotions and then forgiving yourself will. Going into the New Year thinking that the one thing you need to be happy is to forget about the previous year will only result in a year of replaying what you want to forget and forgetting to make new memories to replay.

Take a hold of your memories. Embrace them. Accept that part of your history. Let your self relive that moment for just a minute, and then pack it away into a box to be put away and stored. Make space for new experiences, not by trying to throw away old ones, but by letting them go into the attic for a later day.

You do not want to get rid of them, I promise. Right now it may seem like you do, but in a couple of years you will think back and pull them from storage to smile at the experience. Even though you do not find them pleasurable right now, they have helped you to grow to be the person you are today, the person who is making the decision to change, not for someone else, but for a better you.