Breaking up is hard. Everyone deals with it differently, but In my experience, there are some things almost all guys do once you've broken up.
1. Stalk you
So, now you want to stalk all my profiles, across all social media. Maybe, if you had paid more heed when we were in a relationship? That didn’t occur to you, eh? Smart, aren’t we?
2. Generate cheesy lines
“Yeah, but she’s not you!” or, “Yeah, now that I’ve spoken to you!” Awwww, do you generally like flirting with women who do not belong in your life? Is that some kind of a guy thing that you’re extremely proud of?
3. Subtly hint at the past
Not walking down that lane mate, just absolutely not. I walked through it once, and then a million times as I replayed the past in my head. But now, it’s done. So, let’s just not.
4. Try and gain sympathy
...for the wrongs they have done. That’s like the perfect setup! I shall cheat on you, break your heart, generate cheesy lines, and wait it’s not over! Then, I shall make you feel horrible about my unhappiness and frustration with life.
5. Portray as though they’re super happy
Yeah, yeah go along. Try that too. I’m stocked up on popcorn and soda. I shall gain weight and be fat and happy while you try very hard to do the exact opposite.
6. Try and imitate that one special thing you taught them
I’d say let them. The master can only watch and smile at the mediocrity of disappointing students. Period.
7. Pretend
Everybody is constantly trying to pretend. Do not buy everything that social media sells to you. Be smart enough to judge what can possibly be true about a person. You spent an intimate part of your life with this person, it’s not difficult once you look at it with your super awesome girl spectacles, which we’re all born with by the way, they just get blurry from time to time! #onecleansweepneeded #punintended
8. Pick up a habit that they know would annoy you
Only to see if it annoys you. Be a saint and keep a straight face. Seriously, it couldn’t have had a better purpose!
9. Post pictures with other (random?) girls
Yeah, way to get back fella! Objectify women and be a man; that sure makes me feel bad about my life, NOT!
10. Inquire about your love life
Why should it matter? Just move on! It’s done. Be a friend if needed, but who a girl falls in love with past you, is none of your business!
So, for all the girls out there, who think breaking up is the end of their life. If you let go, and put on your funny pants, it actually is a pretty hilarious and informative life lesson!
